About Haku-chan

あきもせずにあなたのことをかんがえてる… 

(Please click to continue reading this post.)

あなたのidol

All afternoon, I have been listening to… (Please click to continue reading this post.)

もう、大好き >.<

“ほんのすこしわかりあえたころ

“そんああなたをかんじている

“I will love you.”

(I Will Love You ~ゆい)

Shiver

A dyslexic version. 

That or he sings it. 

Better *_*

So, after over a couple of hours, I started feeling somewhat better. 

Partly it was because of text messages exchanged with Nova, who is clearly a breathing living human being, and of the chats with my sister who just woke up from a nap/finished doing chores before going out with Mao. I think by that time too, the tides were shifting or something connected to it, and then I could hear my parents talking downstairs in light conversational tones, plus the house was starting to rest and ease into the weekend, so I guess I also started feeling less anxious. After a while I decided to have a tiny bit of dinner, then had a small chat with my mom, and then I took another bath. Halfway through my bath I realized I was feeling a little better. So now, I am ready to work, and the idea of a weekend is clearer to me now. 

So now, I will work on a current project. While wearing my favorite jimjams and having my hair up. And of course, there will be music. (Right now it’s “Great Divide” by The Cardigans.)

>.<

”むくちになるのはことばじゃたりないきもちがあふれてるから。”

>.<

サイバさま。。。

おかしい >.<

“今すぐあいたいよだけどそらはとべないから。” 

(ほうきぼし、ようんは）

>.< 

Why do I feel this wayyyyyyyyy >.<

Felt

Last night, internet connection became VERY wonky, so I wasn’t able to write a particular entry anymore >.< As I listened to some music and heard a song by Peaches again after a loooong time, I realize it elicits certain…. things:

intense emotions

maddening desire

delirious anxiety

a game of tug-of-war, my self pulling back my self, my self reaching out to obtain, cling.

Steal.

Happy Weekend

My happy weekend has started right this morning when I woke up, and it is still on-going right this moment (^^,) Beginning my super-laid-back weekend (She & Him in the background; earlier it was Natalie Merchant.) 

So this morning I woke up early, but decided to get back to sleep and savor the wind coming in through my (newly cleaned) windows (I cleaned them last Thursday and changed the curtains too.) then woke up about a couple of hours later. Then I did my yoga, had breakfast, and blogged and surfed like crazy. For the past couple of weeks, I have hardly visited my blogs nor checked out my personal messages and pages because I made some changes to my schedule and how I work around them. Even after my previous ended (my last day was last Wednesday), I’m still as busy as ever, with my schedule full. It’s a nice kind of busy though - very productive and still somewhat flexible, not the hectic kind that makes you want to drop, literally drop, everything, and just absent-mindedly walk off into the sunset. XD

So anyway I caught up on a favorite blog of mine and updated this blog and did other non-work online stuff. Next thing I know it was lunchtime, and I didn’t even realize how FAMISHED I was XD After lunch I continued my personal online stuff again, then napped to rest a while before kendo. For a while, I considered (again) not going to kendo, but I told myself to just Get Up and Prepare and JUST SHOW UP, because that’s the easiest way to deal with the dilemma of whether to go or not to go. 

And, as usual, I am so glad I went. For some reason, though I didn’t look it, I totally enjoyed and appreciated tonight’s practice. I guess it’s because I was not distracted AT ALL, and my mind wasn’t thinking ahead or whatever, so I was totally, fully there, at the present, just focusing on what I was doing and what I had to do. Looking back, it was almost as if I was tuned out of everything else and it was all about what I was doing. I wasn’t even thinking of having to do well or having to do this and that. I was just doing my best and not even fully being worked up about the thought of having to do my best. It was like doing without doing too much, like I was just, there. *babbles* XD

So now of course my feet hurt because I made a few awkward steps and turns but I just felt them as I came up the stairs tonight when I got home. But I realize that some of tonight’s practice is llike a hazy memory, because it all seemed to breeze by, but not in a way that makes one feel lost or like Time Went Someplace Else And Left Me. 

But anyway in a nutshell, I really appreciate tonight’s practice. And during the ending seiza, I felt That Occasional Strong Feeling That Is Almost “Ecstatic”, for lack of a better term. I don’t think I can talk about it to anyone though, because I don’t think anyone would understand XD It’s just WAY TOO WEIRD. It’s SOMEWHAT the same feeling I get when I am so happy with a book I’m reading, except that it’s like reading contains the “start of the strong feeling” and my post-kendo state is like, the finale XD Weirdness. 

SO MOVING ON, it has been a super great day, and tonight, obviously, I did not go out with my kendo friends. I think I am going through A Certain Phase which I have discussed with my sister, and thankfully, she understood what I meant, because I don’t think anyone else would. Plus, I have been tired and busy so I just needed some time to myself doing nothing that is planned. Of course I have things in mind but I don’t need to follow a schedule of something, and most of what I intend to do are things I only try to Insert into my tight schedule. For instance, I want to keep moving forward with Lirael because I can’t wait to see what will happen to her, plus I want to catch up with my blogs and favorite pages and stuff, and I want to just do whatever. So I think it’s time I get this well-deserved, long-awaited for rest. It’s not even like a vacay, just a nice leisurely time by myself on a normal weekend. 

Perhaps next week I can do this again, possibly with CHOCO ALMOND CROISSANT care of Caring Friends. XD Har har har har. >XD Well, if they DO actually get me some XD Or at least ONE XD I LOVE choco (the food) and I LOVE almonds and I love croissants (especially if they are buttery). 

So the rest of evening is Lirael, chokomochi, gaming and gaming girl, Wiki, personal mails, and whatever. And of course There Shall Be Coffee. XD

(Music is now by Veruca Salt, the softer ones from American Thighs ^.^) 

Productive Peachness

Today is so productive! (^^,) Plus I notice how lately, things are clearing up and SPACE in its various forms are becoming available to me and to better things (^^,)

So apart from taking the big steps I mentioned yesterday, today also covered a lot of “harvesting” (this being The Year of Harvest and all). 

Morning, I was able to stick to my To Do list, and then I worked, and I finished early, so I was able to move everything else to an earlier time, though one of my chores took time, but that’s okay. So anyway, I was also able to stick to my To Do list for after working time (partly with the help of some Idol # 3 XD). I was able to clean one of my closets and found that I have more space in the uppermost part than I thought I did. Then, I was finally able to clean and check the computer I am selling, and was able to list down the specs and take out everything from my room, which means getting back some space in my room which used to be occupied by the CPU and monitor.

After cleaning up and everything, I took my nth bath, had dinner, then began studying for the final exams. I just studied for a couple of hours because I’ve been having a fitful sleep since Sunday night, and I always had kanjis and picture drawings in my dreams, where I had to tell if something is ue or shita or naka or tonari or whatever, while writing kanji in the air. SO weird. So anyway tonight I was able to finish reviewing and practice writing Kanji, further to the review and practice I did last Sunday >.< I have to work hard because I get confused when it’s time to write them or to read them as part of a cluster of kana. So, tomorrow I start reviewing my notes, then the book, then all the “bunch of papers” (as Keita-san put it). It is all organized now, I just need to go through all of the materials >.< 

So anyway I just had to write a bit about my productive day because I have some energy left and I need to use it up so I won’t stay awake til 3 am. I’m kind of… hyper. I can feel it.

I didn’t forget this part, I just didn’t want to lump it up with the chorey parts and work parts >.< I was able to resolve another thing today, and I think it’s good because I was able to let it out of my system and I no longer feel any trace of anger or annoyance, and I am guessing it’s good to go back to how our friendship was before, and I know I sound weird now because this just seemed to pop out of nowhere. In a nutshell, of course I’d still get those occasional Black Hole moments but generally things have somewhat been ironed out and now all is just… safe.

I really believe so far I’ve done good things and have been cleaning up >.< I guess it would really pay to be my version of a Third Assistant Librarian, and my Disreputable Dog will be the music that makes my heart beat fast - my companion at any time (^^,)

Of course though, something will have to come, I mean good things, not Stilken. XD

Time to sleep! Oyasumi >.<

Last, I realize I still have a bag of minty kisses. The last batch of all of it. They have stopped multiplying a long time ago and will only be left to rot in the bag, so I am sending the last of them to where minty kisses ought to go. So I reach in and send them out to their appropriate inappropriate recipient. And then there will be none, and everything will be much sober, though it would be a nice kind of sober, the one without headaches. So yeah, moving forward

I’m still WIDE awake but I am sure I will start to relax once I have a book in my hands (^^,)

Tomorrow has Cake! (^^,)

I need to water my plant now >.< I almost forgot. Oyasumi. (wave)

*iPod to my ears* 

An Automatic Playlist

Unconsciously, these just started playing in my head last night after having to deal with the presence of someone. In this order.  

You Really Got a Hold On Me

Black Hole

Got Me

Take It Back

The Morning Sad 

At least the order was right. Perhaps it was like going through the motions in musical form. And then I continue walking on. It just kind of contributed to how I woke up this morning though. This plus other things. All boiling down to Something I Don’t Like and Something I Do Not Wish to Dwell On.

So now it’s like wanting to be a Third Assistant Librarian to get the mind off not having gained the Sight yet.

I guess then, it’s time to be a Third Assistant Librarian. And better to take steps now though my heart is as crushed as the first Paperwing.  

Kanji Game XD

In class today we had a Kanji game, and it was SUPER fun XD Of course, deadma na kung bata ang kalaban ko - it was all about WRESTLING (and screaming for us girls) for the right Kanji card XD I have this funny memory in my head of screaming and grabbing one of the Kanji cards from Ryoma-chan XD Anyway our team won XD We took home Dairy Milks XD 

Prior to that we had our famous (at least in our class), or one of the famous dialogues, the one with Miraa-san and Kimura-san XD My partner was Louie-san and at first he was decided to be as stoic and spaced out as the actual Miraa-san. So we went to the front and brough props (cell phones) and he rang my phone to make it realistic XD

However, when the part came for Kimura-san to decline Miraa-san’s invitation for the date, Louie-san started acting weepy and crushed, and unintentionally turned into a goat XD

Today was super fun (^^,)

Well, every class is fun but today was super because of the Kanji game excitement XD And it has been extra fun ever since the invisible barriers were taken away unknowingly by A Fateful Day XD

So anyway, one thing I learned was to target the bombugu-ya XD

By the way, and this is totally unrelated to my Japanese topic XD I had my haircut yesterday XD I was supposed to have it done by the usual hairstylist I go to but I didn’t know it was his off, but it was the only time I could get a haircut, and besides it was more of just a sidebangs cut. So when my parents and sister went to the mall, I tagged along and just decided to go to any salon I find For The Meantime. Then I found this salon which I think is run by a Korean couple, and it was the Korean guy who cut my hair, and I totally love what he did to me XD For a while there I felt like a momoko doll whose hair was being styled for something huge. Loooove love love love. Of course now I look more everydayish, but yesterday I stepped out of the salon feeling like… a doll. XD In a good way of course XD I even LOVE the way he tied back my hair in a ponytail (I also realized no one has tied my hair up in a ponytail for a long time XD) since I came in wearing a ponytail, except he twirled some of the hair at the sides of my head, which, amazingly, suddenly looked perfect XD And then each time he asked “Do you like it?” I wanted to scream “I love it!” XD 

So back to stuff NOT related to my hair, I am also glad I decided to work today XD Earlier today I was feeling a little ill but when I came back home I decided to work offline so I was able to bring the laptop (I am using a temporary computer because my real computer is in the Computer Hospital) to my bed and I worked as the weather changed from hot and sunny to rainy and chilly. So, I was able to finish work today and was able to do a lot, and enjoyed the weather while I was at it.

The rainy season has started I guess. I love it too! I love the heat of the summer but I love the chill of the rainy days too (^^,)

By the way, Aisha Duo and rainy weather equal Perfection. (^^,)

*Love love love* (^^,)

(Note to self: I am trying to ignore my SLIGHT, oh so SLIGHT fixation on a person template currently residing in my head. I guess it helps, though, that someone Super Super Kawaii is balancing that. So it is all just about the Happy Feelings XD) 

O_O

*WARY*

O_O

*stares*

*remembers a song*

Aisha Duo + Coffee = Love

I love Aisha Duo, I love coffee, I love this weather!

I love having coffee while listening to Aisha Duo in this kind of weather XD

*LOVE* 

Sighs at Dusk

Take It Back

She & Him

Loving the Heat (^^,)

I was listening to some music while working and I realize that listening to Arabic music in this kind of weather is Almost funny XD I I love it, though, it’s like the music magnifies my enjoyment of the heat (^^,) 

I love the sun, the heat, the color of my walls in this heat, the brightness of my room in the afternoons - I love everything about my summer afternoons (^^,) 

>: |

Go ahead and keep listening to that song, maybe it will convince you that you aren’t being dishonest and you will always be the nice innocent person you are projecting to be. *fuming*

I suddenly hate him so much >:|

Cozy (Long) Weekend (^^,)

It’s my first weekend here in our new home (^^,) 

Last night when Mao and my sister drove me home, my sister mentioned that this new home is really so homey and cozy and the energies are so nice which makes her like to come over. I then realized it’s my first weekend here so yay (^^,) Plus, it’s a long weekend so more yay XD More time to just stay home and more time to study. Perhaps the good energies and the stuff I’m looking forward to doing makes it quicker for me to recover from my Interruption XD Plus of course it helps to remember The Morning Sad as opposed to some other Morning, so all of my selves immediately brush off any related thoughts and ideas, and so the “stuff” are immediately discarded, making it easier and faster for me to move on again. Maybe last night was just quite unexpected and it was like the first time after a long time and I was a little bit disoriented. But anyway I’m feeling better now, so, another yay. XD

Interrupted

So yesterday, I was, uhm, interrupted. 

At first I was doing totally okay, but towards the evening, I was disoriented and my resolve was somewhat, trampled. I am quite annoyed - with myself. But then again, this is just a phase and I will be doing just fine again after a short while. I just need to remember what made me decide to drop the whole thing. The Morning Sad. Regardless of everything else before it. 

Hay. These halts are troublesome. 

Got Me Not

I have managed to crawl out 

of your pocket

XD

And I find

what I thought was won 

still quite locked. 

Perhaps it was won, 

but I got it back and now it IS locked. 

(muhaha)

I had to crawl out of that pocket because it was too dark and if I stayed, I wouldn’t have tasted the light of day because I’d just be there all the time - tucked up and nothing else. I can’t really live with that. Especially this long. Because like everyone else, I need to see The Light of Day. Not curled up and shriveled. Kept and cannot be brought out into the open. While I am fully aware what is happening out there. 

And so, I crawl out. 

(And I realized this as I listened to the song and felt Nothing.)

Wake Up

The Morning Sad

So This is Mine

“You didn’t even care if it got me down.”

Cycle

I’m a tree that grows hearts

one for each that you take.

High Street High

Sunday was great even though I was not able to stick to my schedule ^.^ I woke up around 2 in the afternoon. Around 4, I studied Nihongo and was planning to do yoga at 5. However, Mao and my sister came by to drop off some stuff for the garage sale, and asked me if I wanted to go with them to High Street. The warning signs of SHOPPING flashed through my mind, but I just decided I won’t spend, and went with them. 

Then I bought stuff from Lush. 

Then we went to Gourdo’s for pizza, coffee, and gelato (^^,) I LOVE Gourdo’s pizzas (^^,) And coffee. And gelato. And yes, the pizzas XD

Then we spent quite a long time at Fully Booked, Mao at the music area and my sister and I checking out the books. Checked out Furubaa too but the next episode wasn’t there yet. So I just bought a case for Hinamori and super pretty notebooks. Then we passed by the Coffee Bean before going home around 11. 

I then realized that the whole of High Street emanates with all these pleasant emotions that they make you feel like it’s great to spend and shop XD 

Finished!

I’ve now fixed / reorganized next week’s schedule (and finished a pot of green tea - although I’ve started drinking this prior to the OC-schedule-fixing, as I studied Japanese vocab) - just for next week. Let’s see how that will turn out and then I can just make adjustments for the week after that. There are some things I took out from my daily skeds to make space for the classes, but that’s okay because the classes will only run for about two months. I’ll just think of the next class schedule when this one’s over. (Of course I need to pass first >.<)

Today, I wasn’t able to practice, buy cake, and do the home inventory (Will start packing at the last minute, AS USUAL. Maybe the books can be packed ahead, though.) Have moved “cake” and “inventory” to Sunday (good luck). I am so sure that “cake” sounds weird. It’s the movable Cake Day, which originated from 4moggs-of-the-disheveled-bunny, or his office where he is occasionally The Bald Boss. Anyway, my day has been full but I TOTALLY LOVE IT and The Music rocks my world (^^,)

I guess, too, that I feel somewhat “freer” (like that’s a word *sneer*) after the last rune reading and after telling the winds to carry away (more of implied to) what (or whom) I was letting go of. Of course I still have those occasional urges to totally THROW myself (like Wonderland Scones) into it, but the rune totally woke me up, and it helped me ease into the change/shift, whether or not it really existed. I do hope though, I stay fine like this long enough until… everything falls into place. 

Wants <shishishishishishishi>

I think you’re just so pleasant

I would like you for my own

O_o

And this is not a case of lust, you see
it’s not a matter of you versus me
It’s fine the way you want me on your own
but in the end it’s always me alone

I had a vision I could turn you right
a stupid mission and a lethal fight
I should have seen it when my hope was new
my heart is black and my body is blue

Got Me

Don’t know how you won my heart

’cause I locked it

^.^

Gonna Get Along Without You Now

Fight

Why must you sleep? 

Come crush me now

I’m armed

And ready to die

XD

Pretend fight. *a pair of purple evil faces* 

All I Want

With all this noise crashing through my head

I will be silent with him in my bed

Game

Another you so I can love you more.

Stopped

I hang around

for another round

until 

something stops me

And then, something stopped me. Oh so abruptly. 

Play Dead

darling stop confusing me
with your wishful thinking
hopeful embraces
don’t you understand?
i have to go through this
i belong to here where
no-one cares and no-one loves
no light no air to live in
a place called hate
the city of fear

i play dead
it stops the hurting

Super. Amazing. Dream.

I’ve read somewhere that taking naps in the morning can give you lucid or at least very clear dreams. I’ve experienced this many times, though there is nothing really spectacular about them. If I do have great dreams, I move on from them as soon as I get out of bed.

However. Today. I overnapped. And I fell asleep with a Peaches song on loop (because I wanted to fall asleep as it drones in my ears so that my mind focuses on the beat and not on anything else, no mental images, no thoughts, as in just following the beat). 

And then I had a super super vivid AMAAAAAZING dream. And I overnapped because when it went off, I turned it off then continued my dream. And I was able to. And it was SUPER SUPER SUPER AMAAAAAAZING >.<

I just decided to get up because my mom sent a text message and my thoughts have been disrupted, so I knew I can’t go back to it. Anyway I’ve had the dream at a long-enough period so I guess that would do for now >.< So I got up to make myself coffee to FULLY wakeup, but now I know that I am fully in the mood to work and move about. Super AMAZING. Really. I feel a little shaky though and I have imaginary aches but it was one of my BEST, MOST AMAZING DREAMS EVER! >.< I have to stop now because I can’t stop talking about it and how amazing it is. God. AMAZING. >.< 

I wonder if it had anything to do with Peaches on loop but it definitely took my mind off other things >.<

Last: SUPER AMAAAAAAAAAAAAZING. SUPER, REALLY. >.<

Rise and Shine

I want to be alone for a while

I want the earth to breathe to me

I want the waves to grow loud

I want the sun to bleed down

See the waves go down

See the moon alone

I raise my head and whisper

Rise and shine

I want to see the wounded moon

I want the sea to break through

I want it all to be gone tomorrow

So I’ve come to say goodbye.

(^^,)

I think that you should know, you never cease to amaze me. *musical* XD

>.<

“Good morning baby I hope I’m gonna make it through another day.”

Stuck Here

Getting misty over you.

T.T

*achey* 

:(

Oh Noes.

It’s late. It’s like a quarter past midnight and I am still in front of the computer, a certain song still on loop >.<

Not that I’m an insomniac tonight - I know that I will fall asleep immediately when my head hits the pillow. In fact, it’s been like that for the past few nights! Isn’t that SUPER GREAT? (^^,)

So, it’s also not because I got addicted to Kanji. In fact, I did not study tonight >.<

Based on one of my previous entries about what to do, yes I was able to do a bit of clutter clearing and I cleaned the area in my room where I keep my bogu, yoga and exercise stuff, and other things. However, I was not able to stick to my plan of bath-dinner-Kanji-sleep. 

As I took a bath, a creative idea came to me, and I got all fired up and started writing down my thoughts as soon as I got out, with a towel still wrapped around my head. I wrote down all I could think of about it, then started the creative thing. 

I decided to skip Kanji and postpone dinner to around 11 pm, the time when my mom comes home from a prayer meeting. Naturally, sleep has been pushed back too, so sana magising pa ako nang maaga at magkaron ng energy for kendo. And if makarating ng kendo, sana mag-last at mag-survive. I will try to take a nap before kendo, it will help. 

So, I chose to focus on the creative thing while the creative juices were flowing, and I knew I should start it already before the excitement dies away. Besides, my horoscope for this week told me that I should find a way for my emotions to have an outlet through creative means hehehe. I’ve been kind of agitated all afternoon and evening that I knew I had to be able to do something to use up all that energy. Obviously I am still releasing some, although I’m feeling less alert now, so I will be climbing to bed in a while. 

But, I’ve started with the creative thing. (^^,) So far I like how it looks. It’s nothing big, really, but I just liked the idea and all the stuff that came to my head as I took a bath.

Will now read a bit of Fruits Basket then sleep na. Oyasumi, minasan! (wave)

Chokomochi

sings Imago.

Simple lang naman sana ang buhay kung ika’y matino.

(lmao)

Jamaican Cherry Day

In other words, aratilis XD I just like the name “Jamaican cherry” XD The flowers are also small and pretty and dainty like sakura XD (Is that magic? >.< Which reminds me, for several minutes this morning, my head was full of cherry blossom moments and it made me all dizzy and sugary.)

I spent several minutes this morning in the backyard, going from one aratilis tree to the other, picking the sweet berries and  eating them. Each aratilis was so sweet and quite warm because of the sun. Sweet and warm are just what I need XD So anyway, it was really nice and relaxing, and I love the warmth of the sun on my back, my  face, my heavily freckled arms, and my legs, and it was windy, and everything was just perfect. After a while I went back in the house.

Some time in the afternoon, I think I fell in love. 

It could just be a phase though. Or it could all be the happiness I feel and I mistake the giddiness for love. This could all just be pure joy. 

Okay, so looking back, it wasn’t love. I realize just now XD Maybe it has just all been pleasant and the relief I feel is cleverly disguised as comfort and love XD Oh my god, like what the. 

Anyway back to the local Jamaican cherries

I spent the afternoon fighting off zombies and chatting with an ostrich friend, but mostly fighting off zombies, until I lost and lost all motivation XD Just a while ago, I stepped out of my room to make coffee and look for cakes that don’t exist, then I found my mom in the backyard, so I stepped out instead with my coffee and imaginary cakes which dissipated into the late afternoon heat.  Then I found new berries turning red so I picked them and ate all that I found. The trees are happy to feed me anyway so I took as much as I wanted. I didn’t fall asleep like in fairy tales XD Although that would be great too if I woke up after my knight in shining armor found me, but then again I prefer bogu than shining armor. LMAO.

So, I ate more berries, though they were no longer warm, then came back in to finish my coffee.

I don’t know if it’s because of the tides, but a sort of agitation is creeping into my system, though I am brushing it off and reminding myself to focus on the cheerful aspect of myself and not on any form of aches. 

LOVE and CREATIVITY and TRUST in the Universe are the treasures I hold in my hands right now. I am not supposed to resist, nor push. I should focus on the light and let it guide me, instead of dwelling in the shadows and painfully wondering why it’s so dark. 

I will go listen to new music now (^^,) 

I love my friends (^^,)

Falling into Place

Today, there are some unexpected good things, and many things are falling into place (^^,) 

Simple joys, which are significantly helpful to me now >.<

I uttered several silent yays when I received an unexpected set of holidays - I’ve already taken them but now I know I won’t need to make up! And this is a huge thing for me. (^^,)

I was planning to step out and make some urgent purchases, and just in time, my sister came by and had to run some errands, and so I was able to step out and get what I needed. 

Certain things are sinking in to my head and I would still think it’s a good time to start something “new,” for lack of a better term, with new music in the background. This isn’t all ironed out yet but I am currently consciously following a drawn Tarot this time. I have to keep in mind what I’ve been told. I have become careless so I’m like knocking on my head, checking to see if there’s any brain left. I can’t articulate this yet. In any case, time to wake up. 

Speaking of waking up, I slept with four of my worry dolls, and they were all great. When my head hit the pillow, and the thoughts started creeping in, they seem to just have been pulled away and I slept peacefully, and only woke up when my alarm went off. Then, things just started going right, like they are all naturally falling into their rightful places. 

I admit though that I made a boo boo again, but no matter. I guess there are some things one has to go through because it’s part of the path. But so far, everything that is coming today are things I would exactly need.

*listens to my new playlist*

Today

is March 11th. 

Just thought about it I love 311 (^^,)

311

Inspiring My Sweet Selves

From Getting By to Moving On

but this won’t work as well as the way it once did
cuz I want to decide between survival and bliss
and though I know who I’m not I still don’t know who I am
but I know I won’t keep on playing the victim

Lost in This Carnival

Have I been wrong
Have I been wise
To shut my eyes
And play along
Hypnotized
Paralyzed
By what my eyes have found
By what my eyes have seen

Have I been blind
Have I been lost
Have I been wrong
Have I been wise
Have I been strong
Have I been
Hypnotized
Mesmerized
By what my eyes have found
In that great street carnival

Was listening to random music lang this morning and it just stood out and found it so apt >.<

In any case, I am currently desensitizing myself, and I think I am doing really well, and I need to desensitize myself so that I am unaffected in any unusual way by his presence (or absence). I can’t keep holding my breath for the next moment. I can’t keep wincing when he writes or posts something that is clearly not for me. I can’t keep living in a secret universe which cannot fit into where I really am, everyday of my life. 

Why Can’t I

Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you

(Liz Phair on loop)

Eep.

So, I was seriously focusing on work, playing random songs and a particular song I heard for the first time seemed to scream out at me.

Goodbye, my almost lover.

Goodbye, my hopeless dream.

I’m trying not to think about you.

Eep. Great. A Fine Frenzy as the artist and a fine frenzy as my state. 

Pacing

The longer that I wait the more selfish that I get

You seem like you’d be a good dad.

Got stuck to my head as I listened to No Doubt this morning >.<