Green Tea Chocolate, Calm Version

Friday afternoon, I went to buy some ingredients for some green tea chocolate. It was the birthday of Denise last Thursday and she liked the first batch of green tea chocolate I made, so for her birthday, I decided to make her some again. I made it differently this time, though, and used different portions of the ingredients. As I finished making it, I tasted it and I think it tasted fine, though I know more of the matcha bitterness will come out later on. I wasn’t able to taste it by then, though, since I have placed everything in a tub for giving to Denise after kendo. It was so nice to make it (^^,) I hope she likes it though it isn’t much. 

I also realized it was so much fun to make green tea chocolate without The Anxiety XD And bringing it to the dojo did not involve hyperventilation as it did the last time I brough homemade green tea chocolate XD

Meet Barako

On the first Saturday of this month, I decided to join my kendo friends for dinner (lately I have not been regularly going out with them; either I just stay home or meet them up for coffee after dinner). We just used one car, Allan’s car, so I got to spend time with Barako:

Barako is his stay-in-the-car bear, except perhaps for one occasion when we watched a movie in his home theatre and I was allowed to hug Barako throughout the whole movie. Other times, Allan keeps his car doors locked, should I have the urge to kidnap Barako. I swear though, I do not intend to do that XD  

Today is One of Those Nice Days

This morning I was supposed to wake up at 7, but I was unusually sleepy and exhausted, probably because of yesterday’s midterms and work, as Kiwi-chan pointed out. So, since I still did not have ANYTHING listed in my planner for today and the following days, I decided to sleep as much as I wanted, then just work and study after that. 

Plus, it was a little cold in the morning so I wanted to tuck in and sleep and think of サイバちゃん。。。

So I slept some more and got up a few minutes before 10, did yoga, then had a banana and hot Milo as I checked my mail and visited some games. After that I planned the rest of my day until Thursday. So basically I just worked and studied all afternoon, after which I found myself suddenly with free time, and I realize that today’s weather has been doing things to me.

It has been a rainy, gloomy, and a very wet day, and though it would make most people sleepy and lazy, it makes me so alive. My senses have been extra sharp and I have been extra calm, except for occasions when the music would make my heart race, or when certain changes in my wallpaper would take place XD (I set my desktop wallpaper to change every five minutes, and they are all images of やぎちゃん, and some images are just… killers. 

So anyway, I’ve been so enjoying the weather. It makes me alive and light and happy and everything. Not happy like, hyper, but just quietly happy. It makes me think of サイバちゃん too and it makes me WISH for him SO MUCH MORE but so far, I think I am becoming even better in keeping the emotions at bay, and not letting them rule my entire day, my thoughts, my actions, my plans, and not letting them distract me from work or school. 

I love the weather. My windows are open and the curtains are drawn apart to let the chilly wind come in. The sky is somewhat like Morrowind again, and it makes me wish for サイバちゃん, but the gloomy weather is so not making me gloomy. I just love it. I wish I could spend days like this with サイバちゃん。I wish he were thinking of me (^.^)

This day is a really nice one. It is happiness. 

A Nice Evening, A Little Unexpected

Not that I expected a bad night XD But I was expecting at least one that would offer a nice dinner and then we’d be going home early. However, it turned out to be so much Funner XD

First off we had a nice dinner at Zao, where Allan, my sister, and I shared pho, curry, tofu, and seafood rice. Denise ordered something else. Afterwards we ordered Vietnamese coffee which was really good (^^,) Then we went to Fully Booked where I found the 5th of the Fruits Basket Ultimate Edition XD After that Denise and I had a major laugh trip about notebooks and bookmarks and everything XD

Initially, I was planning not to go out but now I’m so glad I went XD

Better *_*

So, after over a couple of hours, I started feeling somewhat better. 

Partly it was because of text messages exchanged with Nova, who is clearly a breathing living human being, and of the chats with my sister who just woke up from a nap/finished doing chores before going out with Mao. I think by that time too, the tides were shifting or something connected to it, and then I could hear my parents talking downstairs in light conversational tones, plus the house was starting to rest and ease into the weekend, so I guess I also started feeling less anxious. After a while I decided to have a tiny bit of dinner, then had a small chat with my mom, and then I took another bath. Halfway through my bath I realized I was feeling a little better. So now, I am ready to work, and the idea of a weekend is clearer to me now. 

So now, I will work on a current project. While wearing my favorite jimjams and having my hair up. And of course, there will be music. (Right now it’s “Great Divide” by The Cardigans.)

>.< Rrrrrrr >.<

In connection to The Funny Weird Thing I’m Feeling since last night, I guess I have come to a point when…

I have to live with it nowwwwwww >.< 

Because you see, last night, I wasn’t planning to go out, but I got so agitated and felt that I just had to get my head off thoughts related to it. It somehow worked,  and I just had fun with kendo friends. When I got home however, it was like The Thoughts were just calmly sitting on my chair in my room, waiting for me to rethink them and wallow in them. >.<

I slept really late, and just before I fell asleep, in a frenzied state of Thinking About It, I mentioned The Name >.< Rrrrrrrrr T.T It’s like naming an enemy or something though not in a Voldemort sort of way. It’s like admitting that something is a problem, or that a phase has been entered, or like the price of something has been punched in >.<

When I woke up this morning, I remembered it and now I can’t just get away and pretend I am not in the phase. Well I still can, but it’s like there’s A New Resident in my head >.<

And now I have to deal with the fact that I am Inside This Swirling Planet of Weird Emotions. >.< 

College Girl Friends

So last Sunday, my best friends came to visit and it was such a pleasant surprise (^^,) I haven’t seen them in ages and it was great being able to catch up again (^^,)

Happy Weekend

My happy weekend has started right this morning when I woke up, and it is still on-going right this moment (^^,) Beginning my super-laid-back weekend (She & Him in the background; earlier it was Natalie Merchant.) 

So this morning I woke up early, but decided to get back to sleep and savor the wind coming in through my (newly cleaned) windows (I cleaned them last Thursday and changed the curtains too.) then woke up about a couple of hours later. Then I did my yoga, had breakfast, and blogged and surfed like crazy. For the past couple of weeks, I have hardly visited my blogs nor checked out my personal messages and pages because I made some changes to my schedule and how I work around them. Even after my previous ended (my last day was last Wednesday), I’m still as busy as ever, with my schedule full. It’s a nice kind of busy though - very productive and still somewhat flexible, not the hectic kind that makes you want to drop, literally drop, everything, and just absent-mindedly walk off into the sunset. XD

So anyway I caught up on a favorite blog of mine and updated this blog and did other non-work online stuff. Next thing I know it was lunchtime, and I didn’t even realize how FAMISHED I was XD After lunch I continued my personal online stuff again, then napped to rest a while before kendo. For a while, I considered (again) not going to kendo, but I told myself to just Get Up and Prepare and JUST SHOW UP, because that’s the easiest way to deal with the dilemma of whether to go or not to go. 

And, as usual, I am so glad I went. For some reason, though I didn’t look it, I totally enjoyed and appreciated tonight’s practice. I guess it’s because I was not distracted AT ALL, and my mind wasn’t thinking ahead or whatever, so I was totally, fully there, at the present, just focusing on what I was doing and what I had to do. Looking back, it was almost as if I was tuned out of everything else and it was all about what I was doing. I wasn’t even thinking of having to do well or having to do this and that. I was just doing my best and not even fully being worked up about the thought of having to do my best. It was like doing without doing too much, like I was just, there. *babbles* XD

So now of course my feet hurt because I made a few awkward steps and turns but I just felt them as I came up the stairs tonight when I got home. But I realize that some of tonight’s practice is llike a hazy memory, because it all seemed to breeze by, but not in a way that makes one feel lost or like Time Went Someplace Else And Left Me. 

But anyway in a nutshell, I really appreciate tonight’s practice. And during the ending seiza, I felt That Occasional Strong Feeling That Is Almost “Ecstatic”, for lack of a better term. I don’t think I can talk about it to anyone though, because I don’t think anyone would understand XD It’s just WAY TOO WEIRD. It’s SOMEWHAT the same feeling I get when I am so happy with a book I’m reading, except that it’s like reading contains the “start of the strong feeling” and my post-kendo state is like, the finale XD Weirdness. 

SO MOVING ON, it has been a super great day, and tonight, obviously, I did not go out with my kendo friends. I think I am going through A Certain Phase which I have discussed with my sister, and thankfully, she understood what I meant, because I don’t think anyone else would. Plus, I have been tired and busy so I just needed some time to myself doing nothing that is planned. Of course I have things in mind but I don’t need to follow a schedule of something, and most of what I intend to do are things I only try to Insert into my tight schedule. For instance, I want to keep moving forward with Lirael because I can’t wait to see what will happen to her, plus I want to catch up with my blogs and favorite pages and stuff, and I want to just do whatever. So I think it’s time I get this well-deserved, long-awaited for rest. It’s not even like a vacay, just a nice leisurely time by myself on a normal weekend. 

Perhaps next week I can do this again, possibly with CHOCO ALMOND CROISSANT care of Caring Friends. XD Har har har har. >XD Well, if they DO actually get me some XD Or at least ONE XD I LOVE choco (the food) and I LOVE almonds and I love croissants (especially if they are buttery). 

So the rest of evening is Lirael, chokomochi, gaming and gaming girl, Wiki, personal mails, and whatever. And of course There Shall Be Coffee. XD

(Music is now by Veruca Salt, the softer ones from American Thighs ^.^) 

Productive Peachness

Today is so productive! (^^,) Plus I notice how lately, things are clearing up and SPACE in its various forms are becoming available to me and to better things (^^,)

So apart from taking the big steps I mentioned yesterday, today also covered a lot of “harvesting” (this being The Year of Harvest and all). 

Morning, I was able to stick to my To Do list, and then I worked, and I finished early, so I was able to move everything else to an earlier time, though one of my chores took time, but that’s okay. So anyway, I was also able to stick to my To Do list for after working time (partly with the help of some Idol # 3 XD). I was able to clean one of my closets and found that I have more space in the uppermost part than I thought I did. Then, I was finally able to clean and check the computer I am selling, and was able to list down the specs and take out everything from my room, which means getting back some space in my room which used to be occupied by the CPU and monitor.

After cleaning up and everything, I took my nth bath, had dinner, then began studying for the final exams. I just studied for a couple of hours because I’ve been having a fitful sleep since Sunday night, and I always had kanjis and picture drawings in my dreams, where I had to tell if something is ue or shita or naka or tonari or whatever, while writing kanji in the air. SO weird. So anyway tonight I was able to finish reviewing and practice writing Kanji, further to the review and practice I did last Sunday >.< I have to work hard because I get confused when it’s time to write them or to read them as part of a cluster of kana. So, tomorrow I start reviewing my notes, then the book, then all the “bunch of papers” (as Keita-san put it). It is all organized now, I just need to go through all of the materials >.< 

So anyway I just had to write a bit about my productive day because I have some energy left and I need to use it up so I won’t stay awake til 3 am. I’m kind of… hyper. I can feel it.

I didn’t forget this part, I just didn’t want to lump it up with the chorey parts and work parts >.< I was able to resolve another thing today, and I think it’s good because I was able to let it out of my system and I no longer feel any trace of anger or annoyance, and I am guessing it’s good to go back to how our friendship was before, and I know I sound weird now because this just seemed to pop out of nowhere. In a nutshell, of course I’d still get those occasional Black Hole moments but generally things have somewhat been ironed out and now all is just… safe.

I really believe so far I’ve done good things and have been cleaning up >.< I guess it would really pay to be my version of a Third Assistant Librarian, and my Disreputable Dog will be the music that makes my heart beat fast - my companion at any time (^^,)

Of course though, something will have to come, I mean good things, not Stilken. XD

Time to sleep! Oyasumi >.<

Last, I realize I still have a bag of minty kisses. The last batch of all of it. They have stopped multiplying a long time ago and will only be left to rot in the bag, so I am sending the last of them to where minty kisses ought to go. So I reach in and send them out to their appropriate inappropriate recipient. And then there will be none, and everything will be much sober, though it would be a nice kind of sober, the one without headaches. So yeah, moving forward

I’m still WIDE awake but I am sure I will start to relax once I have a book in my hands (^^,)

Tomorrow has Cake! (^^,)

I need to water my plant now >.< I almost forgot. Oyasumi. (wave)

*iPod to my ears* 

A Mystery Mogget Pursuer

So a few Saturdays ago, we went to my sister’s place after kendo to take a bath and prepare for dinner. Here is a familiar scene we have gotten used to as our Mystery Mogget Pursuer crawls under the bed and tries to catch and hold the struggling, confused Mogget, tricking him into playing with her though Mogget resists.  For some reason that we cannot understand, he greatly fears this pursuer.

Shelf Buddies

I took these photos some time during the last week of April, after we have just moved in to our current home. I arranged by books in my shelf, and placed some shelf buddies with certain books ^.^

Sweet Saturday

Friday night, I fell asleep thinking if I should go to kendo or not, but by then I have more or less decided that I will not be going out after. Apart from needing to look after my finances, I wanted to organize my files (since I have changed computers Friday) and fix my things and just rest. 

Saturday morning until noon, I still felt confused on whether to go or not, though I was more inclined not to go. When I took a nap, I decided to just let go of any resistance inside me and just see where my actions will lead me. When the alarm went off, I got up, took a bath, and then went to kendo after all.

And I am so happy I went (^^,)

Well, nothing spectacular happened, but I’m just glad I went and was able to practice. I was able to see my friends and talk to them and I was able to learn something new. Plus, it was nice, though very unusual, that it was NOVA who learned something FROM me XD. Nothing big, but just insights on what kind of person he is and what first-borns are like and other random stuff. Anyway, all in all, it just feels really nice when I almost did not go, then went, then realized it was good that I went XD 

After practice, since it turned out that none of the others would be going out too except for Allan, my sister and I just decided to invite him over for dinner, so we ate here at home and he brought more food and beverages and BTIC. Later on, Mao followed and then we just all hung out for a bit then they all went home. I was not able to do a lot of organizing but it was nice that we just stayed here in the house and I was able to rest early (^^,)

Finally, Charlie’s XD

So finally, nakapunta na ako ng Charlie’s XD Friends from everywhere have gone there and asked me if I’ve tried it, because it’s just a few minutes’ walk from our current house. However, ako yung malapit, ako yung never pang nakapunta. So last night after kendo (there was shiai and it was my first time to fight with a guy, some nice person named Jackson; I lost after what seemed to be ages of being inside a Pugon because of the heat), Allan, Ziggy, my sister, and I went because Zig wanted burgers, and we wanted to eat someplace near lang because my sister still had to work and I had to pack. 

So, I got the Angus with fries and it is Totally Happy Food XD 

Home Early

I am home early on a Saturday night. I was home at around 10 pm ^.^ Just had dinner with Allan, Zig, and my sister at Charlie’s XD then went home. 

I really planned to get home early because I really need to pack some of my things already. As of now, the only things I have placed outside my room for bringing to the other house are my shinai. And that’s it XD

Early Night

Yup early! Been home since about an hour ago. Just had dinner with Allan, Zig, and my sister some place near then went home because my sister still had tons of stuff to do. So now I’m just having coffee and French cookies and will be watching some anime in a while. 

Kendo was okay though I still feel somewhat rotten at keiko. I did keiko with the girls and Jojo-sempai, but my waza was under Takahashi-sensei’s class, and that part I enjoyed. I don’t know if my  kendo is in some kind of… rut. I just feel like I’m so… blah in it. 

Anyway, I hope this phases passes, if it’s a phase. I feel stressed out kasi e >.<

On a lighter note, Nova asked me (Nova is a boy, I just call him that in reference to Nova of Bleach. Yung green.) how I was and I was like “Great!” and I know I meant it, which made it even greater He was asking why but we had to line up again for the second hour of practice. I then realized I wouldn’t know how to explain it in Simple and Safe terms, but then during the last seiza after practice, I realize that I AM feeling great, but I’m also somewhat uneasy/agitated/anxious. And then I remembered my rune and I realized this is the “birth” part, like I’m in “labor” or something, and I have to go through it so that the new path/life/phase can make its way. I believe that I have made the “completion,” though it’s done in my own strange fashion. And I really feel I did. And so now comes the labor and then ultimately, the birth. 

I just wonder what I’m giving birth to. Anyway basta nasa delivery room na ako. No overthinking allowed. One moment at a time. 

Finished!

I’ve now fixed / reorganized next week’s schedule (and finished a pot of green tea - although I’ve started drinking this prior to the OC-schedule-fixing, as I studied Japanese vocab) - just for next week. Let’s see how that will turn out and then I can just make adjustments for the week after that. There are some things I took out from my daily skeds to make space for the classes, but that’s okay because the classes will only run for about two months. I’ll just think of the next class schedule when this one’s over. (Of course I need to pass first >.<)

Today, I wasn’t able to practice, buy cake, and do the home inventory (Will start packing at the last minute, AS USUAL. Maybe the books can be packed ahead, though.) Have moved “cake” and “inventory” to Sunday (good luck). I am so sure that “cake” sounds weird. It’s the movable Cake Day, which originated from 4moggs-of-the-disheveled-bunny, or his office where he is occasionally The Bald Boss. Anyway, my day has been full but I TOTALLY LOVE IT and The Music rocks my world (^^,)

I guess, too, that I feel somewhat “freer” (like that’s a word *sneer*) after the last rune reading and after telling the winds to carry away (more of implied to) what (or whom) I was letting go of. Of course I still have those occasional urges to totally THROW myself (like Wonderland Scones) into it, but the rune totally woke me up, and it helped me ease into the change/shift, whether or not it really existed. I do hope though, I stay fine like this long enough until… everything falls into place. 

Happy Yoga

Tonight was one of those moments when I truly enjoyed my yoga (^^,) I mean, I normally do, but usually as I go about my day, the feeling I got from my practice has already dissipated. Tonight though, (I don’t know if it’s because I did today’s yoga in the evening instead of early morning) I felt much more relaxed and “peaceful” after yoga than I normally do. And it was so great that the feeling has carried over until now, and the activities I did after yoga seemed more fun, or the joy of doing them were sort of, more magnified. (Plus! The bothersome pain on my left shoulder is gone, as well as the pain on my right arm! XD)

Happiness (^^,) Or, as someone would put it, peachness! XD 

So, because of tonight’s happy yoga, I will REARRANGE my entire schedule for next week XD (Ang dumi na ng planner ko I swear. Hindi bale cute naman ichura nya sa labas. Malay ba nilang puro correction strips sa loob XD Note: Ang cute din ng correction wipe.)

So anyway back to yoga and skeds. I am guessing it’s also because it’s a holiday, so I didn’t feel hurried. I admit that sometimes I do the corpse pose at the shortest possible time because I have work to do or I’m just feeling like I need time for other things. So, I will be rearranging my schedule so that I can allot a bigger chunk of time (probably as big as the chunk of chocolate I gave to… itself XD) to my yoga, so that I wouldn’t have to hurry or be distracted by the thought of Time. That’s pretty tough, since my Japanese classes are starting on Monday, and I’d have Wednesdays half day, which means my working hours on other week days are extended. So I’m also thinking of doing my yoga in the afternoon or evening instead of morning, to really avoid feeling hurried. Anyway I will be fixing it this weekend. (^^,) 

Mihara-san Visits Toro-san (^^,)

べんごし

So I woke up completely nervous because I thought my dream was real. It was so clear, so real, so vivid, that it seemed like it actually happened just yesterday. It was so real that as soon as I opened my eyes, I was afraid to look beside me and was afraid to hear somebody else moving about.

“Luke” (because of very faint hints of Luke Wilson), a former college friend, came to my house, asked me out, so we did, and the dream progressed quickly, and then we were acting so “together,” and we were hanging out with my sister and Mao, and he was getting things for me and doing things for me, basically he was being everything I would want a boyfriend should be, except that I wasn’t too crazy about him. At the back of my head, I was somewhat worrying being with him because I knew that though I could like him, the idea of being together was just “too much.” But I think I brushed off the thought and just enjoyed how he was being so PERFECT. 

After a while we were leaving a house, after hanging out with kendo friends, and my sister and Denise went to see us off, and as he walked toward the car, I turned back to my sister and Denise and whispered, “Bengoshi! Bengoshi,” as if saying something like “I ended up with a bengoshi after all,” realizing that I was beginning to totally like this person. My sister laughed at the thought and Denise snickered. As I said “bengoshi” the second time I was starting to wake up.

When I woke up, I BRIEFLY felt relieved, thinking that, “I am waking up so it must have been a dream and I am not in a pseudo-relationship that I am not sure about.” Then just as quickly I thought, “No, wait, that happened yesterday! We were with my kendo friends!” And then I froze up and “remembered” I slept over at his place, and was terrified to move and turn my head to see him sleeping, and was afraid at the same time to hear someone else moving in some other part of the house, in case he was already awake. And then very quickly I relaxed and thought, “No, wait, I already like him and want to be with him.” And then quickly I froze up again and thought, “no wait, so I’ve been in a relationship since when??? I don’t remember anything except the stuff we did yesterday! I should call up my sister and Denise!” And then quickly, “wait, that was a dream…. right?” And then I started to move slowly, until I realized it was a dream. All that in about 10 seconds. 

As I brushed my teeth, I was quite relieved to know it was all a dream and I am not required to catch up with everything that has happened with “Luke,” though a tiny part of me felt sorry to “lose” a PERFECT “Luke,” or not wake up to a PERFECT “Luke,” or to discover that such a PERFECT “Luke” is not really in my “possession.” Hahahaha.

Oyster Boy and Girls

Lee, one of our kendo batchmates, has returned from Japan on the last week of March, then last Saturday, she came by the dojo (^^,) She didn’t practice yet and will start practicing again this coming Saturday, so yay!

After kendo practice last weekend, we went out as usual, but we girls decided to go someplace else so we can catch up and have girl talk XD So Lee, Denise, my sister, and I went to Oyster Boy (because Denise was having a craving fit XD) and had two dozens of oysters and crab fat rice. As of this minute, buhay naman kaming lahat. After dinner we met up with the boys already and had coffee/tea/dessert at Kopi Roti then went home around 1 or 2 am. 

The dinner and time with the girls was like SUPER FUN and we had Top 5 lists of something that I can’t mention or else we all get into trouble XD But in any case it was really great, especially the bit about Sebastian and Lumiere and their sort of counterpart. XD

Sunday we went out again to watch a movie and have dinner, though last night before I fell asleep I went into a bit of a depression bout but I managed to fall asleep so I guess it’s okay. 

This morning I woke up somewhat bothered that I would get distracted at yoga, and would catch myself WONDERING WHAT THE HELL happened but I guess I knew already except that sometimes I get annoyed. 

So I am Back

No, the nap mentioned in the previous entry was not a 5-day nap. It only lasted about half an hour. 

But yes I was away for like 5 days, and thanks to my dear friend Jen, and to Ade, because now my blogs are fixed >.< 

And no I was not asleep the whole time XD I could have been, but I wasn’t XD 

Blog later. Work first. 

Sunny Black Cat

Thanks, Precious (^^,) 

Two Whole Cakes

The previous entry reminded me of a story which Peter told me before (LMAO).

He, alone, went to Red Ribbon and ordered TWO WHOLE CAKES. Then the food server asked him, “sir dine in or takeout?”

LMAO. It’s almost like Peter the Cake Eater XD

Cake Day

4moggs of the Disheveled Bunny (whom we suspect was either my son or my twin sister in my past life) told me that today is CAKE DAY in their office @_@ For a while I wanted to work there XD However, since I know I’m only in it for the cake, I will have my own CAKE DAY each month XD CAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD

Picked Up

Was it melancholy? Sadness? Longing?

I am not quite sure because I don’t think I picked any of it up. Perhaps I was also wrapped up in my own thoughts and emotions.  

Okaeri!

So, 4-moggs was at kendo yesterday and joined us for dinner and movie and coffee (^^,) Hopefully, he gets to join for good by the middle of the year (がんばって!)

Last night was generally fun and light and happy, and though Mao wasn’t around, Tigger (Dennis) came to join and the movie (How to Train Your Dragon) was really nice, apart from Toothless reminding me of Mogget, which adds to its charming factor XD

…

So, just a nice time with friends (^^,) 

Throwing Lemonade

I came across this post by a friend of mine, which I think she got from her friend’s post. Anyway it made me laugh so I’m sharing it here XD

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you originally asked for.”

Jamaican Cherry Day

In other words, aratilis XD I just like the name “Jamaican cherry” XD The flowers are also small and pretty and dainty like sakura XD (Is that magic? >.< Which reminds me, for several minutes this morning, my head was full of cherry blossom moments and it made me all dizzy and sugary.)

I spent several minutes this morning in the backyard, going from one aratilis tree to the other, picking the sweet berries and  eating them. Each aratilis was so sweet and quite warm because of the sun. Sweet and warm are just what I need XD So anyway, it was really nice and relaxing, and I love the warmth of the sun on my back, my  face, my heavily freckled arms, and my legs, and it was windy, and everything was just perfect. After a while I went back in the house.

Some time in the afternoon, I think I fell in love. 

It could just be a phase though. Or it could all be the happiness I feel and I mistake the giddiness for love. This could all just be pure joy. 

Okay, so looking back, it wasn’t love. I realize just now XD Maybe it has just all been pleasant and the relief I feel is cleverly disguised as comfort and love XD Oh my god, like what the. 

Anyway back to the local Jamaican cherries

I spent the afternoon fighting off zombies and chatting with an ostrich friend, but mostly fighting off zombies, until I lost and lost all motivation XD Just a while ago, I stepped out of my room to make coffee and look for cakes that don’t exist, then I found my mom in the backyard, so I stepped out instead with my coffee and imaginary cakes which dissipated into the late afternoon heat.  Then I found new berries turning red so I picked them and ate all that I found. The trees are happy to feed me anyway so I took as much as I wanted. I didn’t fall asleep like in fairy tales XD Although that would be great too if I woke up after my knight in shining armor found me, but then again I prefer bogu than shining armor. LMAO.

So, I ate more berries, though they were no longer warm, then came back in to finish my coffee.

I don’t know if it’s because of the tides, but a sort of agitation is creeping into my system, though I am brushing it off and reminding myself to focus on the cheerful aspect of myself and not on any form of aches. 

LOVE and CREATIVITY and TRUST in the Universe are the treasures I hold in my hands right now. I am not supposed to resist, nor push. I should focus on the light and let it guide me, instead of dwelling in the shadows and painfully wondering why it’s so dark. 

I will go listen to new music now (^^,) 

I love my friends (^^,)

This Weekend is Awesome (^^,)

It is! (^^,)

(Let me say though, that this sudden rush just right now, as I write this, is due to another unexpected fortunate thing that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside (^^,) I noticed how from that point, the energy level rose until I am bursting with smitten-kitteness XD)

So, apart from things falling into place since yesterday, and how things still seem to be falling in place today, pieces of me are finding their respective places in my wholeness, even if in trickles. (In trickles, because anyone can see how I have just switched in the past hour from sleepy to WIDE WIDE AWAKE @_@ and in a good way.)

Generally, Saturday was relaxed and seemed to just fleet by in a good way. I’ve had some anxious moments but they were insignificant compared to my general disposition and how my day went. Last night, I had worry dolls stay with me during the night and I was able to sleep well, though I woke up quite early. 

In the morning, I suddenly had one of my rare TV-moods so I went back to bed after breakfast and a bit of internet, and then as I watched various shows I fell asleep again and woke up around noon. Had lunch with my sister who came to visit, then read a bit of Fruits Basket, then had another nappie  

Woke up mid afternoon to prepare for kendo, then went to kendo. As usual, I was lost in kata but Takahashi-sensei taught me and Chiao because I think we were waaay too lost XD Plus I think he overheard my panicky tone as I asked Chiao what I’m supposed to do next as he stared at me as if I was raving mad (lmao). So finally I got it (and hope to do it right again next time). Sensei is awesome (^^,)

I gave out tiny Boracay tokens for some girls during the break (^^,) I will give Denise hers when I see her next time. She passed her shodan exam by the way yay (^^,) 

After kendo practice I spent some time talking to some friends and it somehow helped me get my mind off some things and I felt so much lighter as I headed to my sister’s place. My kendo friends are awesome (^^,) (Plus one of them thought I was 6 years younger than my actual age muhahaha. I was also surprised he is older than I thought he was. Then I said, so that’s why you guys don’t take me seriously and treat me like a child!!! And he laughed because it was partly true Well at least now he knows I’m all grown up XD)

Then we had dinner and saw a movie, and on our way to bring Zig home, we had a major laugh trip because of some strange idea that the boys had which took me a while to get, and they were laughing so hard that Mao couldn’t drive with watery eyes and Zig was bent over with too much laughter that he couldn’t breathe. When I finally got it my face was so wet and sticky with tears and my stomach was hurting from so much laughter. 

Today I also received and opened birthday presents from some kendo friends and they were totally awesome too (^^,) *hearts* 

The magic of cherry blossoms also seemed to stir a bit today, since yesterday actually, somewhere inside me. *slightly enchanted*

I’ve also been accompanied by some new beautiful music that makes my heart beat fast that my face turns somewhat red. Although that is difficult to see because I’m tanned and so not pale yellow-green

I was a bit sad and paranoid about something, but because things have been falling into place and pieces of me are gathering up, plus I learned from the insights I heard from the people around me today, it wasn’t really anything hellish. Plus I have decided to really get myself together so I was taking all of it as a major push for me to do so. 

And then I received something totally totally totally unexpected, and it was a nice nice nice surprise (^^,) My paranoia has just been thrown away just like THE SCONES (lmao). (Omg. I CANNOT get over the scones scene in the Alice movie. Most people would have forgotten it by now, or remember it but not find anything funny in it, but I did, and my stomach hurts from so much laughing at it.) I am also no longer as sad about the something as I was, plus I guess it does not really “ruin” my decision to get myself together, but instead supports it, in a context that is SO much easier for me to move in (^^,) So now I somehow feel “freer” in it and less scared. I’m sure I will have moments but still I totally think this weekend is awesome because it has loads of pleasant surprises and things falling into place and pieces of me finding their way back to their appropriate places (^^,)

On another note, though, by the way, I heard something about a bruise and I cannot accept the idea of him getting hurt like that

Anyway that was just a bit of an off-track note. Just had to let it out of my system. Besides, I am so not in any position to MEDDLE :p

Back to awesomeness. *brush off earlier note* This weekend is really awesome (^^,) Hope the awesomeness extends to forever XD Certain kendo friends really made a difference and I believe I learned important stuff, plus the magic stirring within helped me balance myself, plus there was so much laughter, plus very pleasant surprises, and I am just bursting with hearts and sparkles (^^,) And yes, I’m totally like rainbow sprinkles (^^,)

Beach Mode

So I won’t be around for the next few days - hopefully my mind will also be at rest for the time being (^^,)

I have started and finished my packing just tonight, after dinner. My sister helped me and Denise explored my room and Mao bullied us and paced around the house, while Allan spent some time chit chatting with my mom in the backyard, where we thought Wonderland had swallowed them

I’m so happy because they all enjoyed dinner (my sister and I treated them to Juanita), after which we came to my house so I could pack. (Denise wrote incriminating evidence of things on my mini blackboard and my whiteboard!! Hehe.)

Then tomorrow, off to the beach!! (^^,) Finally

I’m still wide awake, though >.< 

Kendo-wise, practice was generally okay. I just felt a little scattered. (By the way, 4-moggs, formerly known as Ryan-kun, will be here on the 19th so he can practice with us on the 20th yay.) Saigo no keiko was something I was just thinking of, seconds before it took place, and it was intensified by a really pleasant scent that I totally like. Fixating again >.<

Lines, 4

Oh, I’m scared all right. 

Haven’t you noticed, I’m

only shy when I like a man. 

And to tell the truth

I’m not sure love is worth

the risk of losing friendship.

It would’ve been easy. 

I could have claimed

I was afraid of the dark.

I am, you know. Afraid, I mean.

Productive Hour

There was a one-hour brownout earlier this afternoon, and I think I was even more productive within that hour (lmao).

I was able to wrap my birthday present for Cecile, and clean my room a bit, put away the Japanese stationery and stickers I bought two weeks ago, take out my dirty clothes, and clean one of my shelves All in an hour :>

I was also able to browse through one of my favorite books by Sandra Cisneros, Loose Woman. I came across some favorite lines. Coming up in the next entries

Top 10 Things I Associate with the Summer Heat

When the summer is hot like it is now, I am very much reminded of certain things. Not all at the same time, though

1. XXXholic (the anime)

2. Oblivion (as in Oblivion the game, not oblivion - oblivion)

3. Japanese food delivery

4. Nightswimming with old friends

5. Storing all my colognes, body sprays, and lotions in the fridge >.<

6. Diner Dash 2

7. Mexican food, particularly burritos and nachos

8. Afternoon naps 

9. Late night TV

10. Spending time in the garden in the evenings (^^,) 

What do you associate with the summer heat? 

The Episode with the Dying Bird

Yesterday was like an entire anime episode There were several things that happened but all throughout the “episode” was the dying bird. When the episode ended, so did the bird *_*

My sister picked me up around 3 pm - we were going to practice our kata, but she also had to learn the the second and third, then we can practice. Mao was going to teach her, and correct my mistakes too, since I need someone to watch my kata too. I brought some of my homemade green tea chocolate for Denise, since she would be joining us. 

So we practiced around 4 PM, and Denise came around 5:30. Around 5 PM, we noticed this tiny bird sitting by the table where we placed our things. We went to it and realized it was a hatchling, and it still could not use its legs properly. It kept trying to spread its wings and fly, but it couldn’t push itself upward just yet. We left it where it was and continued practice until around 7 PM.

My sister carried the bird in her hands, and it woke and perched itself on her fingers. It was enough to allow him to rest on his claws. After a few seconds, it went back to sleep. We decided to find a box for it to rest and to take it home, so we can place it in our backyard where there are several others of its kind. But since we still had to go someplace else, we just left it first in a tiny box with thin paper lining inside, and left tiny grains, in case it it able to eat. Then, we all washed up and went out for dinner (Denise and I had one of the best sisig ever, and my sister and Mao got something else, though my sister kept reaching across to my plate and wanted my food instead. 

After dinner we dropped by my house, because my dad needed help in something, then we went to the Coffee Bean for coffee, tea, and desserts. When we went back to Mao’s to watch a movie. We checked out the hatchling first, and it was still okay, though it looked tired and stressed. We gave it some water in a small bottle cap but it was just sitting helplessly on one side of the box.

then I remembered that when it was able to balance itself and close its eyes to relaxed when it was perched on my sister’s finger, so I suggested that we look for a long twig outside to insert through the holes on each side of the box. That way, it can perch on the twig, rest, and be able to strengthen its legs. At this time, Mao was somewhere in the house taking care of something. So, my sister, Denise, and I stepped out to hunt for a long twig which we can give to the bird. 

We “hunted” at the garden, and found a long twig which has fallen from a big plant, and went inside to put it through the box holes. My sister lifted the bird and helped it perch itself on the twig. However. the twig was too thin and the bird couldn’t balance, so it turned and hung upside down, its wings spread. At the exact moment, Mao came out of the home theatre and found us surrounding the upside-down bird, and asked why we are trying to turn it into a bat. 

My sister gently put down the traumatized bird in the box, and we took out the twig. I suggested that we should find a THICKER piece of twig, as thick as my sister’s finger, so that the bird can balance itself. We stepped out again and found this lovely plant with promising branches, but we didn’t want to risk our necks because it was a flowering plant. 

We decided to step out the gate and look at the plants by the sidewalk, careful not to unknowingly take the neighbors’ plants. We found a row of flowering plants with several thick branches, and decided to take a piece since there were hardly any flowers anyway plus there were lots of that kind of plant. My sister tried breaking a long piece but it was too thick and she couldn’t. So we just deciced to find any kind of thick stick in the house. 

Back inside, we looked for possible alternatives to a thick piece of twig, until I found SCISSORS. So we went out again and decided to cut a piece of the branch. Finally, after much struggling and looking out for roaches, we triumphantly went back inside to insert the branch into the hole, and to help the bird perch on it. However, the bird must have been so tired, and couldn’t manage to balance itself anymore. Denise suggested we let it rest because it must be so stressed already. So, we went to the home theatre and watched a movie. 

After about a couple of hours, we stepped out to prepare to leave, and to check on the bird. The lights in the living room were turned off, and I could only make out the shape of the bird. I felt it was dead because it was just in one corner, and it was no longer sitting up, but lying down. When the lights were turned on, we saw it lying on its side, its eyes closed, and it was already kind of stiff, like a stuffed bird. It seemed to have died in its sleep. 

So, we just decided to keep it in the box, then we asked Mao to bury it somewhere with all the twigs and grains inside, and at least it knew we tried to take care of it. It was not likely to survive anyway because it was still a baby. So, that was how our anime episode ended.

We went home late, and I was able to give Denise her green tea chocolate, and afterwards she sent a text message saying she liked it and that it was oishii (^^,) 

Later I will probably be practicing kata again with my sister; she’s coming over late in the afternoon. 

Shift

So, apart from being the Queen of Delaying Tactics, I am also becoming the Queen of Flakiness. 

To my (pleasant) surprise, he broke the ice that has been tormenting me as if it were Rukia-chan’s Zanpakutou. Okay, well not “tormenting,” I just remembered it was some of my selves doing that :p But, anyway, I’ve kind of built a fortress around me while muttering my regrets, recalling certain things, and listening to Why Can’t I. So…

Somehow, and I don’t know exactly in what manner, I have shifted from being agitated and achey to being mildly sedated and… well still achey, but I feel more grown up all of a sudden (especially since I just put up my new superlight Japanese corkboard by myself and I used a ribbon with silver lines to hang it) and oddly inspired (not in a SPARKLY manner, but I probably mean I am more eager to move forward) and somewhat glad and somewhat relieved. And yes, all those at the same time. 

By the way I am so full right now because I just had some cheese, and coffee, and then I ate my words for dessert (back in the list). I feel somewhat lighter though that I was able to explain why, even if it was just a fraction of the whole reason and I am not sure if anything I said made sense to him. Anyway I guess things are much clearer now, even if it’s never gonna be the same as before, ever, and somehow it’s nice to find happiness in these little moments, and to be able to give happiness too. Actually I think that’s the nice part of it, that I am able to GIVE it too. 

Super Shopping

So yesterday, I went out with my sister and  her kareshi. I was so glad to be out of the house because the weather was so perfect - it was so sunny and windy - a PERFECT summer weather.

We went to Gourdo’s for pepperoni pizza, their super yummy iced tea, and gelato. Mao had coffee instead of gelato. Then we walked to Fully Booked to browse, and the walk did me wonders because the sun felt so warm on my face and hair, and by evening my face was glowing and I noticed that somehow my skin cleared a bit And in Fully Booked, I found the 4th book of the Fruits Basket Ultimate Edition YAY I usually find the Ultimate Edition in a set, but I already have books 1 to 3. So now I got the 4th book

Afterwards we went to this Japanese store and I was so thrilled to find the stuff from The 100 Yen Shop being sold there. It was like The 100 Yen Shop was brought here. Frantically I went around and bought loads of stuff and found those things which I was not able to buy when I was in The 100 Yen Shop It was funny when I found the envelopes for the wedding presents because I had the exact kinds as my desktop wallpaper before So there, I stepped out with a huge shopping bag and happily brought my loot with me  

A Friend’s Dream

Today, or yesterday, Cecile suddenly told me that she had a dream the other day about me - she said it  was so weird because she suddenly found me with the Third Seat, and it was like we were together and we had CHILDREN. 

>.<

Helplessly Watching

Hindi naman super helpless, but when I tried to picture the scenario in my head, I saw me, helplessly standing and watching the whole thing go by.

As I was telling one of my girl friends, it’s funny how, at our age, you already know the entire process and you can identify each phase as it happens, yet somehow, you just sometimes stand there and watch everything, without budging at all. It’s almost like you didn’t learn a thing, or you did, but the moment traps you, and you go through the phases and the patterns. At the back of your head you are thinking, okay lang yan, okay lang yan. 

Then after a few mornings, you wake up and ask youself, “Anong okay? Was it all even worth it?”

Although of course, there are times when you just get up and walk away, or do something to change everything. 

A Shift Before Sleep

So obviously I was in a kind of rut last night, and just as I said, I was going to be back to my cheerful, warm self. And I did! 

I slept late because since I was staying at my sister’s to look after the king neko, I still had to do the dishes and put away some things before taking a bath and catching some sleep. At first I was semi-sulking (Semi??? Hahaha) and was being somewhat cheered up by a couple of friends over text. Eventually, though, I decided not to pay attention to the discussion of the selves, as well as the chaos of thoughts in my head. Then I just decided to play a song on loop, and it just worked! After a couple of hours I just finished the chores, and took a bath with the song still playing in my head. By the time I climbed to bed and read my book (almost done with the Queen of Attolia) I was feeling so much more relaxed and cheery. 

With a better mood, I decided before going to sleep that I should let one thing go (on the day of the Plan I drew the Separation Rune), and I accepted the fact that I am totally wishing for what I was wishing for the other night and have more wishes trailing after it. I  guess it helped to admit it instead of fight it, and so I was able to sleep soundly. 

Thawed

*sigh*

I guess I am. :p

The wishing hysterics this afternoon kind of did it. (Doumo, Ryan-kun, for bearing with me and the “extra” chat messages in parentheses. Hahaha.) Naman kasi. Sana lang. 

Third Seat Fixation

During the past couple of days, I would start on writing a particular entry about some “third series” about a “third seat” but never managed to actually write about it. During the first time, I think I had to do something else all of a sudden, forgot all about it, then when I got  back to writing it, I just decided against it. Partly I wanted to just brush it off completely. In the first place, basically, I was going to write about it because I was slightly fixated about some detail of it. However, I decided to ignore it altogether.

Then, on the second time, I was going to write about it, and started actually writing it, then realized it might be “safer” not to, so I deleted the draft and decided not to write it . On the third and fourth time, I started writing about because I just wanted to completely get it out of my system, since I have already kind of disclosed the thing to the… source of slight fixation. However, I decided not to, and just thought that it is better not to write about it at all. 

However. Hahaha. 

This isn’t it actually. I am still not writing about it. But I realized after today, or tonight, or just a few hours ago, that I am slightly fixating on it >.<

Really, it’s no biggie. It’s just more of a SILLY phase. Plus maybe there’s a slight mixture of an earlier anxiety as, for a VERY brief moment, I froze up and wondered what it could really be like >.<  Yes all that for that very brief moment. I froze up and totally wondered. (Then averted my gaze and practically RAN away.)

Argh. This is SO unexpected. Anyway, this too shall come to pass  

Cheerful Minds

As Allan-sempai described: CHEERFUL MINDS. 

:D

Was It Really My First Name?

I SO WISH that what Nova/Peewee said was TRUE!!! @_@

Amanda’s Last Practice for January

Last Saturday was Amanda’s last practice with us, since she will be flying back to Belgium soon. After kendo we had our dinner at the usual place then headed to UCC for coffee and dessert. Then we had our photos taken - all girls, then all boys. Won’t post na the one for the boys

What Everyone Should Hear

“It’s like a tune or melody you’re creating. You can either make it resonate or create something dissonant, but it’s a tune basically. Make beautiful music. Do beautiful kendo.”

- Kiwi

Shifting

“Take that anger, realize that it is mostly pride, and know that pride is not necessarily a bad thing, and nurture that pride into something positive.”

“Nurture this pride and hold it dear not because of self importance but because of self worth.”

- Pinball head (^^,)

Oyasumi, Ikkaku-chan

I will not write the entire detail of my anger. But, I must say I woke up angry and was fuming at certain periods.

In any case, when I first talked to a friend, the burden was somehow lightened but I still felt that weight on my chest. 

Being in a position which I would love to hear something from, I also told Ikkaku-chan, after which I felt much better already. It’s almost like what my rune said, but with more situation-specific wisdom on the side.  I guess I can go to sleep tonight with more peaceful thoughts and energies. 

Ikkaku-chan, arigatou gozaimashita! (^^,)

Atarashii Neko

Precious sent me a gift - and I named her Yoru

Some College Friends

So, I will write first about real live people and let you rest from catmares, cactus pups, and Japanese girls.

Just sharing some photos I grabbed from Lora - these were taken from last Saturday’s get together

My Kokeshi

This was the kokeshi doll I picked for myself. I also bought one for my sister, for Cecile M., and Cecille F. I don’t remember if I ever took a picture of all four dolls. I wish I had and that I could find it if I did, because each kokeshi doll was carefully chosen - each one either looked similar to the person or captured an aspect of the person’s character (^^,)

So anyway, I’m not sure if I have a photo of those, so I just took a photo of the kokeshi that I have:

And of course, somebody had to join in: