Fishda

One of the writing companions which my sister and I had during Elem 1 XD I have yet to post the photo of Tadase-kun XD

>.< *fascinating new thing*

Can’t wait to see him again >>>.<<<<

Sitting Next to Me >.<

I wish サイバさん will always want to sit beside me >.<

My Date with Arthur

So last night, after kendo, I had an unexpected date with Arthur. Arthur is a really adorable and sweet guy. XD

こえ

サイバさま >.< あなたのこえが大すきです。 >>>.<<<

>.<

”むくちになるのはことばじゃたりないきもちがあふれてるから。”

>.<

サイバさま。。。

Surface

My mom woke me up this morning because some guys from the internet company needed to check on why my connection has been intermittent lately. 

After I was able to make sense of what she said, first thing that surfaced in my head was サイバさま >.< *quick heartbeats*

His voice, his voice!!!!! >>>.<<< *very quick heartbeats* 

サイバさま、大好きです！！！ >>>.<<<

Trilogy Tears

Yesterday I finished reading the last of the Abhorsen Trilogy and ***Spoiler Alert to those who haven’t read it*** I became quite emotional when it came to the last part of the war, when the three Paperwings came, and Lirael came back from Death bringing the solution with her, and all seven were standing by one another to fight off Orannis. I cried when Nick died T.T I cried when Mogget made a choice T.T I cried when The Disreputable Dog left Lirael and Lirael hung on to her T.T 

I love Lirael and Sameth T.T I love Nick (though slightly in a different way XD) And I SO LOVE MOGGET AND THE DISREPUTABLE DOG T.T

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr >>>.<<<

*BURSTING WITH EMOTIONS*

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr >.< 

I need to contain this >>>.<<<

I will just let it sit on a small chair nearby and I will try my best to deal with the fact that it’s there, sitting on a chair, but at least it is not creating havoc in my life >>>.<<< *steals glances at The Cluster of Emotions and Thoughts to make sure it is behaving on its chair*

>>>.<<<

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy T.T 

Finally, A Leg Checkup

Last Thursday, I was FINALLY able to go to the doctor to have my leg checked - have been having pains on my right leg which would sometimes make it difficult for me to move in yoga or kendo, and there was one time when I still attended Wednesday practice, that it hurt so much that I had to sit down, but couldn’t sit down because it hurt, but then again I couldn’t stand anymore, so I had to be supported to get to the benches. Anyway that was just one incident and then after that there would be pain every now and then. For a while I was worried that it might be something about another extra bone, but from last Thursday’s check up, I didn’t need any xray anymore and was just asked to do some regular stretching exercises everyday. No meds needed so yay. 

Keshigomu Kraze XD

When my dad and I took back my computer Friday last week, we also took my sister’s and brought it back to her place. I took the liberty of going through her new stuff like these Super Cute Erasers:

They are like the ones I have which I also use as props for Mihara-san, the catmare cats, the cactus pups, and Reina-chan. XD 

Cleaning the Cactus

Friday last week, I cleaned the Huge Cactus where most of my bags are hung. XD I also picked out some bags for selling. 

O_O

This time last year, I went to hell. (Of course, it was involuntary.)

No need to spill gory details ^.^

I was going to write this last night, at the exact same time around which a major shift in my life took place. However, my internet provider has not been very cooperative lately so… anyway, I just thought I’d mention about going to hell. 

But the point is, I am here now. And though I went through some kind of phase last Monday (which I forgot to write about then), which is totally unrelated to my Involuntary Hell Trip, things have been more manageable than I thought. 

So yeah, I just thought I’d mention it. 

I am quite relieved that my death wish then didn’t come true. Pano na lang si サイバさん XD 

Loko lang. 

Well seriously, so far, so good. 

I will just try not to read so much into chance meetings and seemingly perfect timings so that I can finally break The Pattern. That also means letting サイバさん sleep inside my head for as long as he can. I have been tired and I will not lift a finger anymore (”.) 

My sister said it had seemed like it was SOOOOO Long Ago. Probably because so much had taken place too and the energies were so heavy that they seemed to have been dragging on for ages. 

So anyway. 

さようなら、先生。

さようなら、いっかくちゃん。

さようなら、all the false hopes. 

かれの名前

The other day, I was finally able to say his name to myself >.< (I know, it’s strange.)

It has been odd, being unable to say it, and I find myself automatically stopping once I start with the sound of the first letter. 

It was a struggle, but I was able to say it. I think I had to, because keeping it all locked up inside makes my head hurt XD

Then today, I am able to “mention” his name once in a while in my thoughts, or when I make WISHES. 

*wishes* >.< 

>.< He’s so adorable. Super >.< 

(Sometimes I get sudden flashbacks of how adorable he looks with his hair combed a certain way >.< I don’t even think he is fully aware it looks like that >.< かわいい！！！！！)

(There are also other random flashbacks of moments when he just Suddenly Looked Different >.<)

たいへんですね！

The Mac is Back ^.^

My computer was away for about two weeks because I was having problems with it. While it was away, my sister lent me her laptop. But finally, last Friday, I was able to get it back (^^,)

The catmare cats say goodbye to the iBook:

Then, I immediately set up my computer and placed the catmare cats at their spot. (Take note that a notification was saying there is no mouse. Oddly, there are Grinning Cats. Grinning cats and no mouse. *_*)

Mihara-chan is happy as well:

T.T

I think I need to talk to someone about this but I don’t think I should though I think I should because it is making me dizzy but then again I shouldn’t because it’s about time I break the pattern before it breaks me. 

ARRRGH >.<

Whyyyyyy. I keep remembering Very Sharp Features and I am even thinking its wholeness is ADORABLE T.T Whyyyyyyyyyy T.T 

Everything everything everything is WIDE AWAKE >.< 

Rrrrrrrr >.< 

No. I must not. *regains sanity*

*slips back, just a little, but at a more tolerable level* 

A clear image, So Adorable. 

(I can’t believe I am saying that T.T)

Way Too Many Wrappers XD

I keep buying wrappers whenever I see cute ones, until I realized I’ve so many left over!

I cleaned one of my closets last June 1st, and I came across bundles of wrappers. (Hindi pa kasama ang Mountains of Gift Cards. I keep them in a separate container.)

Pretty Ring

Likes. Likes so much >.<

He Who Must Not Be Named

Oddly, I forgot to mention the reason why I wrote the previous post XD 

Well at least it’s just part of the reason.

>.<

I cannot even mention the name to myself >.<

After speaking of the name last night, I can’t, again. Not even when no one is around to hear me, or to hear my thoughts. It’s like my other selves are not uite ready to hear it yet. 

Argh. >.< 

>.< Rrrrrrr >.<

In connection to The Funny Weird Thing I’m Feeling since last night, I guess I have come to a point when…

I have to live with it nowwwwwww >.< 

Because you see, last night, I wasn’t planning to go out, but I got so agitated and felt that I just had to get my head off thoughts related to it. It somehow worked,  and I just had fun with kendo friends. When I got home however, it was like The Thoughts were just calmly sitting on my chair in my room, waiting for me to rethink them and wallow in them. >.<

I slept really late, and just before I fell asleep, in a frenzied state of Thinking About It, I mentioned The Name >.< Rrrrrrrrr T.T It’s like naming an enemy or something though not in a Voldemort sort of way. It’s like admitting that something is a problem, or that a phase has been entered, or like the price of something has been punched in >.<

When I woke up this morning, I remembered it and now I can’t just get away and pretend I am not in the phase. Well I still can, but it’s like there’s A New Resident in my head >.<

And now I have to deal with the fact that I am Inside This Swirling Planet of Weird Emotions. >.< 

おかしい >.<

“今すぐあいたいよだけどそらはとべないから。” 

(ほうきぼし、ようんは）

>.< 

Why do I feel this wayyyyyyyyy >.<

College Girl Friends

So last Sunday, my best friends came to visit and it was such a pleasant surprise (^^,) I haven’t seen them in ages and it was great being able to catch up again (^^,)

Stickered Keyboard, Care of

By the way, regarding my blog entry about my stickered keyboard, I forgot to mention that I just placed SOME of the stickers, but my dad did most of it XD He just made me peel off some of the stickers from the sticker pad when they got too sticky, but he put on most of the stickers At first I was doing it but I felt he wanted to meddle so I let him XD I remember that as I waited for the keyboard (since I couldn’t work without it), I was drinking Milk Tea and bugging my sister as she did her homework (we were all at the dining table after eating takeout Chinese food). 

Moo Sharpener

Something I bought about a couple of weeks ago. I think it was after our Nihongo finals. 

You open the “snout” part and there you stick in your pencil for sharpening. 

Felt

Last night, internet connection became VERY wonky, so I wasn’t able to write a particular entry anymore >.< As I listened to some music and heard a song by Peaches again after a loooong time, I realize it elicits certain…. things:

intense emotions

maddening desire

delirious anxiety

a game of tug-of-war, my self pulling back my self, my self reaching out to obtain, cling.

Steal.

Happy Weekend

My happy weekend has started right this morning when I woke up, and it is still on-going right this moment (^^,) Beginning my super-laid-back weekend (She & Him in the background; earlier it was Natalie Merchant.) 

So this morning I woke up early, but decided to get back to sleep and savor the wind coming in through my (newly cleaned) windows (I cleaned them last Thursday and changed the curtains too.) then woke up about a couple of hours later. Then I did my yoga, had breakfast, and blogged and surfed like crazy. For the past couple of weeks, I have hardly visited my blogs nor checked out my personal messages and pages because I made some changes to my schedule and how I work around them. Even after my previous ended (my last day was last Wednesday), I’m still as busy as ever, with my schedule full. It’s a nice kind of busy though - very productive and still somewhat flexible, not the hectic kind that makes you want to drop, literally drop, everything, and just absent-mindedly walk off into the sunset. XD

So anyway I caught up on a favorite blog of mine and updated this blog and did other non-work online stuff. Next thing I know it was lunchtime, and I didn’t even realize how FAMISHED I was XD After lunch I continued my personal online stuff again, then napped to rest a while before kendo. For a while, I considered (again) not going to kendo, but I told myself to just Get Up and Prepare and JUST SHOW UP, because that’s the easiest way to deal with the dilemma of whether to go or not to go. 

And, as usual, I am so glad I went. For some reason, though I didn’t look it, I totally enjoyed and appreciated tonight’s practice. I guess it’s because I was not distracted AT ALL, and my mind wasn’t thinking ahead or whatever, so I was totally, fully there, at the present, just focusing on what I was doing and what I had to do. Looking back, it was almost as if I was tuned out of everything else and it was all about what I was doing. I wasn’t even thinking of having to do well or having to do this and that. I was just doing my best and not even fully being worked up about the thought of having to do my best. It was like doing without doing too much, like I was just, there. *babbles* XD

So now of course my feet hurt because I made a few awkward steps and turns but I just felt them as I came up the stairs tonight when I got home. But I realize that some of tonight’s practice is llike a hazy memory, because it all seemed to breeze by, but not in a way that makes one feel lost or like Time Went Someplace Else And Left Me. 

But anyway in a nutshell, I really appreciate tonight’s practice. And during the ending seiza, I felt That Occasional Strong Feeling That Is Almost “Ecstatic”, for lack of a better term. I don’t think I can talk about it to anyone though, because I don’t think anyone would understand XD It’s just WAY TOO WEIRD. It’s SOMEWHAT the same feeling I get when I am so happy with a book I’m reading, except that it’s like reading contains the “start of the strong feeling” and my post-kendo state is like, the finale XD Weirdness. 

SO MOVING ON, it has been a super great day, and tonight, obviously, I did not go out with my kendo friends. I think I am going through A Certain Phase which I have discussed with my sister, and thankfully, she understood what I meant, because I don’t think anyone else would. Plus, I have been tired and busy so I just needed some time to myself doing nothing that is planned. Of course I have things in mind but I don’t need to follow a schedule of something, and most of what I intend to do are things I only try to Insert into my tight schedule. For instance, I want to keep moving forward with Lirael because I can’t wait to see what will happen to her, plus I want to catch up with my blogs and favorite pages and stuff, and I want to just do whatever. So I think it’s time I get this well-deserved, long-awaited for rest. It’s not even like a vacay, just a nice leisurely time by myself on a normal weekend. 

Perhaps next week I can do this again, possibly with CHOCO ALMOND CROISSANT care of Caring Friends. XD Har har har har. >XD Well, if they DO actually get me some XD Or at least ONE XD I LOVE choco (the food) and I LOVE almonds and I love croissants (especially if they are buttery). 

So the rest of evening is Lirael, chokomochi, gaming and gaming girl, Wiki, personal mails, and whatever. And of course There Shall Be Coffee. XD

(Music is now by Veruca Salt, the softer ones from American Thighs ^.^) 

Colorful Keys XD

So this will be quite an old entry *_* I did this a few days after we moved to our current home, so that was sometime during the end of April or the beginning of May. I’ve just been so busy, and then it took me forever to upload the photos, and then my computer got sick (and I miss it because it’s still in the computer hospital) and then for some reason i.ph doesn’t work with Safari, and many other things. Anyway, I’m here now *Elle tone* XD

I put stickers on my keyboard XD

Follow Your Passion

“From my past experience, I always found that just continuing to do what I believed in would always bring about those clear blue skies and calm seas - no matter how stormy those rough seas got.

Morning! (^^,)

So I woke up after a full sleep, and I immediately knew I have lots of energy to spare XD So I did my usual practices, then did yoga, then had a slow, leisurely breakfast over Lirael (^^,) Then I prepared coffee and went to start checking stuff and working. The weather’s great because it is so sunny yet it isn’t so humid anymore. The temperature has been balanced by the recent rains and the cloudy days. 

Will get back to work now (^^,) 

Ikuto-Chan >.<

I found correction tapes with Ikuto-chan and Amu-chan on them (^^,) Ikuto-chan ^.^ 

Productive Peachness

Today is so productive! (^^,) Plus I notice how lately, things are clearing up and SPACE in its various forms are becoming available to me and to better things (^^,)

So apart from taking the big steps I mentioned yesterday, today also covered a lot of “harvesting” (this being The Year of Harvest and all). 

Morning, I was able to stick to my To Do list, and then I worked, and I finished early, so I was able to move everything else to an earlier time, though one of my chores took time, but that’s okay. So anyway, I was also able to stick to my To Do list for after working time (partly with the help of some Idol # 3 XD). I was able to clean one of my closets and found that I have more space in the uppermost part than I thought I did. Then, I was finally able to clean and check the computer I am selling, and was able to list down the specs and take out everything from my room, which means getting back some space in my room which used to be occupied by the CPU and monitor.

After cleaning up and everything, I took my nth bath, had dinner, then began studying for the final exams. I just studied for a couple of hours because I’ve been having a fitful sleep since Sunday night, and I always had kanjis and picture drawings in my dreams, where I had to tell if something is ue or shita or naka or tonari or whatever, while writing kanji in the air. SO weird. So anyway tonight I was able to finish reviewing and practice writing Kanji, further to the review and practice I did last Sunday >.< I have to work hard because I get confused when it’s time to write them or to read them as part of a cluster of kana. So, tomorrow I start reviewing my notes, then the book, then all the “bunch of papers” (as Keita-san put it). It is all organized now, I just need to go through all of the materials >.< 

So anyway I just had to write a bit about my productive day because I have some energy left and I need to use it up so I won’t stay awake til 3 am. I’m kind of… hyper. I can feel it.

I didn’t forget this part, I just didn’t want to lump it up with the chorey parts and work parts >.< I was able to resolve another thing today, and I think it’s good because I was able to let it out of my system and I no longer feel any trace of anger or annoyance, and I am guessing it’s good to go back to how our friendship was before, and I know I sound weird now because this just seemed to pop out of nowhere. In a nutshell, of course I’d still get those occasional Black Hole moments but generally things have somewhat been ironed out and now all is just… safe.

I really believe so far I’ve done good things and have been cleaning up >.< I guess it would really pay to be my version of a Third Assistant Librarian, and my Disreputable Dog will be the music that makes my heart beat fast - my companion at any time (^^,)

Of course though, something will have to come, I mean good things, not Stilken. XD

Time to sleep! Oyasumi >.<

Last, I realize I still have a bag of minty kisses. The last batch of all of it. They have stopped multiplying a long time ago and will only be left to rot in the bag, so I am sending the last of them to where minty kisses ought to go. So I reach in and send them out to their appropriate inappropriate recipient. And then there will be none, and everything will be much sober, though it would be a nice kind of sober, the one without headaches. So yeah, moving forward

I’m still WIDE awake but I am sure I will start to relax once I have a book in my hands (^^,)

Tomorrow has Cake! (^^,)

I need to water my plant now >.< I almost forgot. Oyasumi. (wave)

*iPod to my ears*