Bookmarks

So, I just finished my homework essay; prior to that, I wolfed down some cheese fries that my dad brought home. Prior to that, I took a nice shower, before which I had lunch with my dad, since my mom went to the mall with my sister. Before that, well actually, all morning, until some time before 2 pm I was making BOOKMARKS.

XD

Yup, old-fashioned bookmarks. Not the magnetic type or the beaded ponytailer type. The old-school cardboard material bookmark. I made six, for my sister. She requested me to make some for her and she’ll buy them from me XD She wanted them fish-themed so I made her six. I was really planning to make five, but I made it six because I was not satisfied with one of them, so I just threw in an additional piece. Tomorrow I will show them to her over breakfast (^^,) I am not sure how to price them but I will just let her decide, based on how she finds them, because the materials I used were just whatever I have right now, so it was not like I shopped for specific materials and can price them accordingly. Besides, I’ve never made booksmarks before so I’ve no idea how much bookmarks are. 

I’ll post photos next time; I took them after I made the bookmarks. Will just post after she sees the actual bookmarks. I hope she does not throw them away XD

Shigure-san :">

Yuki-kun!!! >.< ***Spoiler Alert***

I forgot to mention that a few Saturdays ago, I found the fifth book of the Fruits Basket Ultimate Edition. Ever since, I’ve been switching from Shigure-san to Kyo-kun, but in this book, Hatsuharu-kun has been added, and then in the end, it was all about Yuki-kuuuuun :”> 

*MELT* XD

Oh, Yuki!!! XD *heartbeats* 

After the Storm

During the storm last July 14th, I was not able to sleep right away because of the HOWLing wind, and the sound of breaking glass somewhere, plus I had to get up and close my windows because the rain was coming in. After I closed the windows, I stood looking out, watching the trees outside swaying like crazy. Suddenly, there was this series of lightning and one big fat zigzag of light flashed right across our house and struck something at the parking lot, where it made this loud static-like, screeching sound, and then all the lights went off. 

I stood on the spot, FROZEN. XD

When I was finally able to move, I sat down on my bed and was telling myself that was so scary, and then I took my pink flashlight and quickly went out my room to go downstairs. Just then I heard my dad telling my mom (in an excited tone) about the flash of lightning that he saw from the backyard. My mom was busy checking the windows, and she had to step out to check on our turtles. After a while, I went upstairs and slept, though fitfully. 

The following day, I was not sure if we had school, so I got dressed anyway. As I waited for my sister to come pick me up, I stepped out into the backyward and found my mom checking on the turtles again, and then I saw that the sound of breaking glass came from the mirror in our backyard. I also found the outdoor eating table a mess, with the centerpiece toppled off and the tablecloth almost peeled off the surface. 

Later on, it turned out we didn’t have school, but there was also no electricity, so I just slept again and studied, until electricity came back in the early afternoon.(^^,)    

Knock Knock!

Kanji! XD

During Elem 1, my Kanji flash paper were square sheets in different colors. This time, they are in the shape of milk bottles in different colors. When I finish this batch, my next set will be in these cute sheets from Invitation House:

Green Tea Chocolate, Calm Version

Friday afternoon, I went to buy some ingredients for some green tea chocolate. It was the birthday of Denise last Thursday and she liked the first batch of green tea chocolate I made, so for her birthday, I decided to make her some again. I made it differently this time, though, and used different portions of the ingredients. As I finished making it, I tasted it and I think it tasted fine, though I know more of the matcha bitterness will come out later on. I wasn’t able to taste it by then, though, since I have placed everything in a tub for giving to Denise after kendo. It was so nice to make it (^^,) I hope she likes it though it isn’t much. 

I also realized it was so much fun to make green tea chocolate without The Anxiety XD And bringing it to the dojo did not involve hyperventilation as it did the last time I brough homemade green tea chocolate XD

Y?

Found this nice ring from etsy and I immediately thought, “Yagy?” XD

紙 with Haydee

I know, that sounded sooo strange XD

But yesterday, at Nihongo class, our sensei showed us her calligraphy set, and she let us try it out. She gave us a general idea of how we should do it, though in reality of course, mastering the art of calligraphy can take a really long time. So anyway she gave us some calligraphy paper, and some of us tried it out. Haydee, one of our classmates, who was also my classmate in Elem 1, wrote the first kana in the Kanji of kami, then I wrote the second kana. After class we tried using the smaller brush to write our names in katakana. Since we cannot bring it home (which means we will need to cut the KAMI - pun intended - in half), we just requested our sensei to post it on the wall for us XD Anyway the wall has our other “artwork” and homeworks on it. 

It was so fun, now we want our own calligraphy sets >.< 

Watching Yamato (^^,)

On the last day of the week of Eiga Sai, which was a Friday, we went to SM Mall of Asia to watch Yamato: Drummers of Japan. It was all so amazing! I totally loved it. Here are some photos I took; click on them to see the rest from the whole set. 

おっぱいプリン

I came across a recent post of Danny Choo and saw this photo:

He was talking about the おっぱいプリン、or Breast Pudding XD I know it’s for the boys, but I was just amused because I bought this before in Ueno, perhaps just a different brand, but same concept of a girl offering some おっぱいプリン。I bought it for my boyfriend at that time, and we shared the pudding together. The pudding is actually delicious XD I think it’s a nice omiyage to give to a guy, especially when it’s your boyfriend XD

My Mom’s Marigolds (^^,)

My mom enjoys gardening, and since we moved to our current home, she has been growing marigolds:

Eraser Party

During the week of June 22nd, my internet connection was totally wonky, so I went over to my sister’s place to work since her internet connection was fine. Before I worked, I took the liberty of taking a photo of her Eraser Party. Perhaps I should arrange my collection in the same manner too and take photos, apart from having them as props for my Pink Flamingo Pals XD 

Cozy Dining Area

A photo of our current dining area, late in the afternoon of July 4th. It can actually look like a setting for a creepy movie, though it is really very cozy (^^,)

In the evenings and early in the morning, the curtains are apart. This is also where my sister and I study occasionally while we enjoy the cool evening air. This area is so different from the dining area in our previous home. This one is so cozy (^^,)

:O

It’s my phone number!! :O 

XD Omg, that’s like so insane XD 

Well, it’s really my number XD Or part of. Fine, part of XD And it’s not supposed to mean anything except that it just makes it easier to remember XD 

Okay, tama na. 

XD

Back

I think I am much more grounded now (^^,) I blogged and organized photos watched anime (still watching now, in between other tasks, so that I do not get trapped, especially since the rain is making it so nice to watch anime all day!) and my dad came and brought me Manila Scramble XD It was SO good XD During my time as a kid, there were these street foods sold outside the school, which is basically made up of pink crushed ice topped with Brown Cow and powdered milk, then you eat it with a tiny spoon. Amazingly, it seems to be back, and my dad bought some for me and my mom (^^,) 

Now I think I am fully grounded and will do my Nihongo homework. Of course I still adoreサイバさま but my reiatsu can manage his again
(^.^)

Shiver

A dyslexic version. 

That or he sings it. 

Hey That Worked XD

What do you know, writing down the previous entry actually helped me release some of these strong emotions (^^,) His reiatsu is still shaking things up inside, but I am no longer as anxious (^^,) I just need to do some more things that will ground me, so that I can get back to a normal state - being able to balance his reiatsu with mine. Of course, it would be better if the setting were how I wish it to be, but until then, I just need to live and enjoy the now, with just the right increments of him adding color to my world. 

Me, Scattered

As of now, I am trying to find something that will ground me.

For quite some time, thankfully, I have been quite at peace with most things, and have been a calm and peaceful person. In moments of anxiety, I always easily find something in what I do or find something around me that will calm me down or balance my emotions. 

Today, though, I feel that I need to find something more. I am not even playing music right now because they stir certain emotions. I will try to play some later on perhaps. 

This is because of yesterday. 

Last night, I was telling my sister, and a friend, that my heart feels iike it is going to burst. In the afternoon, the moment I saw him, my heart started beating WILDLY, that I HEARD the beats, and I felt as though the people nearby can hear some kind of strange underground-like beating. 

Moreso as the afternoon progressed into evening. I believe I was still quite able to contain the emotions and shove them at the back of my mind, so I was still able to focus on the fights I was doing. I remember one occasion, though, when things seemed to stop and I felt like I was just standing there, thinking of certain things, until I told myself to focus on what I was doing at the moment. 

Eventually, the evening came to an end and my heart still beats as though it was screaming. 

He isn’t just sitting there in my head, quietly adding color to how I see the world. He is not just pacing in it, and causing me to constantly think about him while I do everyday things. 

He has turned my head into the dojo where he does his best. And so, with every kiai, my heart awakens, and each time his foot lands as he strikes with his sword, he pierces through my soul and my breathing stops and so I have to catch my breath. 

It would have been so much simpler if he merely sat there in my head or at least paced around in it. The most I would have expected was him running around, catching up with every thought and squeezing himself into it. But no, he is practically doing his best kendo, causing a ripple of emotions right to my core. 

And so now, I need to find something to ground myself. I woke up this morning with the franctic heartbeats still with me. I need to ground myself. 

主人！

Haha. 

So I had a dream last night. 

It was all mixed up and confusing, but one detail was surely in it. サイバちゃん married me. I was in a state of disbelief because the wedding took place quickly, and it was like he wanted to make sure we were married as soon as possible. At one point, I was asking him about a certain dish, and he replied something that was like, of course I know that, my last name is ___! Then I realized my question was silly and dropped the topic. I was feeling glad about being married to him though I was confused at how quickly things happened, plus the fact that everything was festive around us and I was getting overwhelmed by all the excitement around me. So I don’t remember much detail, except for the fact that I was married to him because he wanted to marry me. 

Oh, wishes, wishes. 

Food for the Soul

I would just like to share something from the Yoga Journal:

“Savor the fact that you have what you have, and you can do whatever you can do.”

Birthday Cake

Cannibalism

Meet Barako

On the first Saturday of this month, I decided to join my kendo friends for dinner (lately I have not been regularly going out with them; either I just stay home or meet them up for coffee after dinner). We just used one car, Allan’s car, so I got to spend time with Barako:

Barako is his stay-in-the-car bear, except perhaps for one occasion when we watched a movie in his home theatre and I was allowed to hug Barako throughout the whole movie. Other times, Allan keeps his car doors locked, should I have the urge to kidnap Barako. I swear though, I do not intend to do that XD  

Today is One of Those Nice Days

This morning I was supposed to wake up at 7, but I was unusually sleepy and exhausted, probably because of yesterday’s midterms and work, as Kiwi-chan pointed out. So, since I still did not have ANYTHING listed in my planner for today and the following days, I decided to sleep as much as I wanted, then just work and study after that. 

Plus, it was a little cold in the morning so I wanted to tuck in and sleep and think of サイバちゃん。。。

So I slept some more and got up a few minutes before 10, did yoga, then had a banana and hot Milo as I checked my mail and visited some games. After that I planned the rest of my day until Thursday. So basically I just worked and studied all afternoon, after which I found myself suddenly with free time, and I realize that today’s weather has been doing things to me.

It has been a rainy, gloomy, and a very wet day, and though it would make most people sleepy and lazy, it makes me so alive. My senses have been extra sharp and I have been extra calm, except for occasions when the music would make my heart race, or when certain changes in my wallpaper would take place XD (I set my desktop wallpaper to change every five minutes, and they are all images of やぎちゃん, and some images are just… killers. 

So anyway, I’ve been so enjoying the weather. It makes me alive and light and happy and everything. Not happy like, hyper, but just quietly happy. It makes me think of サイバちゃん too and it makes me WISH for him SO MUCH MORE but so far, I think I am becoming even better in keeping the emotions at bay, and not letting them rule my entire day, my thoughts, my actions, my plans, and not letting them distract me from work or school. 

I love the weather. My windows are open and the curtains are drawn apart to let the chilly wind come in. The sky is somewhat like Morrowind again, and it makes me wish for サイバちゃん, but the gloomy weather is so not making me gloomy. I just love it. I wish I could spend days like this with サイバちゃん。I wish he were thinking of me (^.^)

This day is a really nice one. It is happiness. 

主人 - Of All Things XD

This morning was our midterms in Nihongo. QUITE SURPRISINGLY, i got all the items on the Listening Test correct XD I was completely, honestly shocked >.< But I’m happy too because I realize it helps to be really relaxed during the test and to not ovethink about how I will do XD 

I would have gotten the midterms perfect if it weren’t for the 0.5 point which was deducted because I got one thing wrong - 主人。 Of all things, I got THIS word wrong, it’s so funny XD The word means one’s own husband - and I got one stroke wrong >.< I hope that when it comes to the REAL 主人, I won’t get anything wrong XD

In any case, I am so happy with the results of my test (^^,) I was not expecting it at all; I was just hoping to pass, because there have been some parts of the lessons that I found confusing. So, yay (^^,)

Dear Adorable サイバちゃん

I wish I can

take long walks in Roponggi with you

share Chirashi and ramen with you

read a book with you beside me

share peanut butter popcorn with you

watch you nap and see your adorable face everyday. (and hear your adorable voice too XD)

Lamp Lovers

When my parents and I visited my sister to bring her the Mac, I took a photo of her new lamp and the lovers in front of it:

Kitty with Kasa

A sticker I gave to my sister for her Nihongo book:

A Thousand Names

So I asked, why do girls/ladies/women need to write a guy’s name over and over and over again? Perhaps it’s some kind of disorder XD

And somehow, we get some kind of satisfaction from doing it, even if momentarily. 

Writing his name, over and over and over again. 

Ekiben and Mojitos

I wish I can get on that train with サイバちゃん and share ekiben with him and then when we get off someplace, we can have mojitos and take a long walk together >.< 

*really likes*

Finding Joy in Your Journey

“The joy is in the journey, whatever unexpected form it may take.”

This stuck to my mind while I read my subscription to the Yoga Journal. It reminded me to find the joy in and to wisely use the time given to me, whatever happens within it.

A Nice Evening, A Little Unexpected

Not that I expected a bad night XD But I was expecting at least one that would offer a nice dinner and then we’d be going home early. However, it turned out to be so much Funner XD

First off we had a nice dinner at Zao, where Allan, my sister, and I shared pho, curry, tofu, and seafood rice. Denise ordered something else. Afterwards we ordered Vietnamese coffee which was really good (^^,) Then we went to Fully Booked where I found the 5th of the Fruits Basket Ultimate Edition XD After that Denise and I had a major laugh trip about notebooks and bookmarks and everything XD

Initially, I was planning not to go out but now I’m so glad I went XD

Bunch of Papers

Keita-chan used to say “わたしのかばんに Bunch of Papers があります。” XD

Well it was the bunch of papers that also helped me do well >.< Among the bunch of papers were these flash papers (not cards) of all the kanji we took up in Elem 1. I took this photo on 6月1日 before I went and studied everything again XD

Probably by the end of my current class, I’d have the same bunch, but this time, my “flash papers” are in the shape of milk bottles XD Photos next time XD 

Better *_*

So, after over a couple of hours, I started feeling somewhat better. 

Partly it was because of text messages exchanged with Nova, who is clearly a breathing living human being, and of the chats with my sister who just woke up from a nap/finished doing chores before going out with Mao. I think by that time too, the tides were shifting or something connected to it, and then I could hear my parents talking downstairs in light conversational tones, plus the house was starting to rest and ease into the weekend, so I guess I also started feeling less anxious. After a while I decided to have a tiny bit of dinner, then had a small chat with my mom, and then I took another bath. Halfway through my bath I realized I was feeling a little better. So now, I am ready to work, and the idea of a weekend is clearer to me now. 

So now, I will work on a current project. While wearing my favorite jimjams and having my hair up. And of course, there will be music. (Right now it’s “Great Divide” by The Cardigans.)

Anxiety Attack T.T

My day was generally great - I was having a good hair day, I was wearing really comfortable clothes, and I was able to spend a full day with my sister. We went to Nihongo class in the morning, then we had lunch in Sango, then watched “Fourteen” which is among the Japanese movies shown now. After the movies we had pizza, cake, and coffee in Cibo, went to the bookstore, then went home. All in all it was quite a fun day. 

However, just a few minutes before I got off the car, I suddenly felt so anxious, until I started feeling nauseous and dizzy. I am not sure what triggered it though I have an idea what factors make up the possible main reasons for my anxiety.

I am supposed to work on a project tonight but I can’t concentrate because I have been VERY anxious for over an hour already T.T

I just wish I’d get what I want now and that things fall into place. >.< Sometimes I feel like I’m going to burst. 

Love

I LOVE Danny Choo. 

And chocolates and muffins.

XD

Fishda

One of the writing companions which my sister and I had during Elem 1 XD I have yet to post the photo of Tadase-kun XD

>.< *fascinating new thing*

Can’t wait to see him again >>>.<<<<

Sitting Next to Me >.<

I wish サイバさん will always want to sit beside me >.<

My Date with Arthur

So last night, after kendo, I had an unexpected date with Arthur. Arthur is a really adorable and sweet guy. XD

こえ

サイバさま >.< あなたのこえが大すきです。 >>>.<<<

>.<

”むくちになるのはことばじゃたりないきもちがあふれてるから。”

>.<

サイバさま。。。

Surface

My mom woke me up this morning because some guys from the internet company needed to check on why my connection has been intermittent lately. 

After I was able to make sense of what she said, first thing that surfaced in my head was サイバさま >.< *quick heartbeats*

His voice, his voice!!!!! >>>.<<< *very quick heartbeats* 

サイバさま、大好きです！！！ >>>.<<<

Trilogy Tears

Yesterday I finished reading the last of the Abhorsen Trilogy and ***Spoiler Alert to those who haven’t read it*** I became quite emotional when it came to the last part of the war, when the three Paperwings came, and Lirael came back from Death bringing the solution with her, and all seven were standing by one another to fight off Orannis. I cried when Nick died T.T I cried when Mogget made a choice T.T I cried when The Disreputable Dog left Lirael and Lirael hung on to her T.T 

I love Lirael and Sameth T.T I love Nick (though slightly in a different way XD) And I SO LOVE MOGGET AND THE DISREPUTABLE DOG T.T

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr >>>.<<<

*BURSTING WITH EMOTIONS*

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr >.< 

I need to contain this >>>.<<<

I will just let it sit on a small chair nearby and I will try my best to deal with the fact that it’s there, sitting on a chair, but at least it is not creating havoc in my life >>>.<<< *steals glances at The Cluster of Emotions and Thoughts to make sure it is behaving on its chair*

>>>.<<<

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy T.T 

Finally, A Leg Checkup

Last Thursday, I was FINALLY able to go to the doctor to have my leg checked - have been having pains on my right leg which would sometimes make it difficult for me to move in yoga or kendo, and there was one time when I still attended Wednesday practice, that it hurt so much that I had to sit down, but couldn’t sit down because it hurt, but then again I couldn’t stand anymore, so I had to be supported to get to the benches. Anyway that was just one incident and then after that there would be pain every now and then. For a while I was worried that it might be something about another extra bone, but from last Thursday’s check up, I didn’t need any xray anymore and was just asked to do some regular stretching exercises everyday. No meds needed so yay. 

Keshigomu Kraze XD

When my dad and I took back my computer Friday last week, we also took my sister’s and brought it back to her place. I took the liberty of going through her new stuff like these Super Cute Erasers:

They are like the ones I have which I also use as props for Mihara-san, the catmare cats, the cactus pups, and Reina-chan. XD 

Cleaning the Cactus

Friday last week, I cleaned the Huge Cactus where most of my bags are hung. XD I also picked out some bags for selling. 

O_O

This time last year, I went to hell. (Of course, it was involuntary.)

No need to spill gory details ^.^

I was going to write this last night, at the exact same time around which a major shift in my life took place. However, my internet provider has not been very cooperative lately so… anyway, I just thought I’d mention about going to hell. 

But the point is, I am here now. And though I went through some kind of phase last Monday (which I forgot to write about then), which is totally unrelated to my Involuntary Hell Trip, things have been more manageable than I thought. 

So yeah, I just thought I’d mention it. 

I am quite relieved that my death wish then didn’t come true. Pano na lang si サイバさん XD 

Loko lang. 

Well seriously, so far, so good. 

I will just try not to read so much into chance meetings and seemingly perfect timings so that I can finally break The Pattern. That also means letting サイバさん sleep inside my head for as long as he can. I have been tired and I will not lift a finger anymore (”.) 

My sister said it had seemed like it was SOOOOO Long Ago. Probably because so much had taken place too and the energies were so heavy that they seemed to have been dragging on for ages. 

So anyway. 

さようなら、先生。

さようなら、いっかくちゃん。

さようなら、all the false hopes. 

かれの名前

The other day, I was finally able to say his name to myself >.< (I know, it’s strange.)

It has been odd, being unable to say it, and I find myself automatically stopping once I start with the sound of the first letter. 

It was a struggle, but I was able to say it. I think I had to, because keeping it all locked up inside makes my head hurt XD

Then today, I am able to “mention” his name once in a while in my thoughts, or when I make WISHES. 

*wishes* >.< 

>.< He’s so adorable. Super >.< 

(Sometimes I get sudden flashbacks of how adorable he looks with his hair combed a certain way >.< I don’t even think he is fully aware it looks like that >.< かわいい！！！！！)

(There are also other random flashbacks of moments when he just Suddenly Looked Different >.<)

たいへんですね！